Soul Searching
by FlameTwirler
Summary: Written for the mythfic challenge, an adaptation of the story of Pygmalion and Galatea. With Sakura gone Kakashi discovers a way to communicate with her. Does he want to, though, when doing so might compromise his sanity?
1. Chapter 1

**Soul Searching**

* * *

**A/N:** A couple things. Thanks to Sammy/MissyQuill for helping me finally find a title and other miscellaneous things.

Also, this story is written for the Mythology challenge put on by Zelha and is based on the story of Pygmalion and Galatea. I'll include a short synopsis of their story at the very end of the fic. Being that this was written for a challenge and we're to post on a particular day, this fic is complete, but is large enough I thought it too massive for a one-shot, so I'm posting it in smaller, more manageable pieces.

Hope you all enjoy.

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Part I

* * *

Sakura was dead, to begin with.

It had been over a year now since her death, yet still Kakashi couldn't get past it, couldn't blot out the image of her lifeless body. Of course he couldn't, he thought ruefully, not unless he lost his eye at the very least.

He'd never imagined things would play out this way though. Oh yes, he knew well enough that Sakura had both the temperament and the determination to strike out after Sasuke on her own. Whether she'd gone to fight him, to try to talk sense into him, or to join up with him – either in truth or as a mole – he was discomfited to say he couldn't be sure. And now they'd never know. At least it was some consolation to know Sasuke hadn't had a direct hand in her death, considering she'd had no wounds on her body. Though dying in Orochimaru's lab, when the two had so many ties to each other, wasn't promising either.

Glancing out at the rain Kakashi tried to shake off the melancholy. Something about the weather made him feel isolated with his ghosts, much the same as he felt when he visited the memorial. While such recollections or penance were hardly bad things, he had other things to be doing…like paperwork. Looking down at his desk he sighed. Mountains and _mountains_ of paperwork.

This was one part of the job he truly didn't enjoy. He didn't enjoy any of it really, but this particular chore gave him a special understanding for Tsunade and her stash of sake. At times like this it just made him wish she'd managed to miss a couple bottles when she'd packed up the office, but considering how long he'd held the job now, any strays would have been long gone anyway.

Maybe he'd ask Shizune to pick some up for him next time she went to visit Tsunade. Despite her age, the former hokage still had fantastic taste in sake and even better contacts from which to procure said drink. Surely she wouldn't mind sparing him a bottle or four. After all, no one knew better than she did exactly what it was like to be cooped up in that office all day with few companions save for the endless piles of reports to sort through.

Frankly, he hated the job. But he loved the one who wanted it next and so that's why he held on to it. Sakura's death had broken something in Naruto, he'd seen it in his eyes when he'd told him the news. The kid was still off the track, his ambition slowed for the time being, but Kakashi had no doubt that, at twenty-four, he was starting to feel the restless need to have his childhood ambition fulfilled.

Kakashi wished he could spare him, deter him somehow, but Naruto was so stubborn Kakashi was sure he'd still want the job even if he also came to hate it, just because he'd declared he _would_ so many times, just because the village needed someone to lead and protect it. He was slowly starting to see how unglamorous the job was through Kakashi's carefully dropped hints, but it wasn't enough. Kakashi just wished he would understand it was so much more than boredom, restlessness, and relentless paperwork.

It was day after day of guilt stacking up on top of the next. It was sending out another nin in his place – because as the hokage he didn't have the right to place his life in danger as he wished – and seeing that nin come back so crippled he'd never go out on the field again. It was sending a group out on a mission and hearing the report that they were all dead, dead, _dead_, because of his decision to send them out, because he should've sent more numbers or more powerful shinobi, or seen that it was a trap, or that he should've just declined the mission altogether.

As of that moment he was responsible for more deaths in Konoha than any external enemy, and because that tore him up inside, and because he was already so irreparably damaged, he did the only thing he could and held on to this role with an iron grip.

Stifling an irritable sigh he swiped at some papers from a nearby stack on his desk. The rain always made him so damn philosophical and nothing was better for dispelling that than sparring – or tedious paperwork if one was the hokage and stuck indoors all day.

Although…he glanced over the papers he held and then looked back at the pile he'd grabbed them from. 'Top Level Security: Experimental.' Well then, maybe not so mundane after all.

Sitting back in his chair with a satisfied smile he flexed his arms in front of him, cracking his knuckles. It had been a while since he'd had the chance to go through anything in this category, which was full of all sorts of interesting and unknown jutsu. Some were forbidden, some were found in old, dusty records with no explanations as to what they did or where they came from originally, and some had been taken from enemies, but there were very important similarities between them all. Konoha didn't know what they did, how they worked, and most importantly, how they could aid or hinder the village.

It was Kakashi's way of rebelling against the elders that he took on the research himself. His excuse was that his Sharingan made him more able to decipher what the jutsu was about, which was true enough. Partly, though, it was because he felt enough guilt at handing dangerous assignments over to subordinates. But primarily it was one of the few things about the job he truly enjoyed, even if most of the time he never got to perform the jutsu and simply tagged them, 'too dangerous', 'to review later', 'have it looked over by a byakugan', or other similar scribblings.

Sometimes though he really hit pay dirt – like the time he activated a jutsu that had turned everything in his office bright red. He'd have sworn a couple objects had actually been glowing, they'd been so fluorescent. He was sure it was the kind of thing a nutty old crackpot would do, maybe as some petty revenge on a colleague, or a prank on a friend, or heck, just sheer boredom. When he'd found the jutsu's notation and discovered it had indeed come from some long forgotten filing room he couldn't help but laugh. It sounded like the kind of thing Naruto would do.

In fact, he was so taken with the idea he told the younger man about it, suggesting that should Naruto come up with something equally inane and ridiculous, he should just maybe consider likewise hiding it without name or explanation. (Unfortunately, he had to tell Naruto that he couldn't do that with his sexy-no-jutsu. The person finding it in the future could get offended or, like Ebisu, possibly pass out from blood loss, leading it to be misconstrued as a malevolent jutsu, which could lead to all sorts of miscommunication depending on what other documents were found around the jutsu.) When Naruto had looked so downhearted at the idea, he'd assured him that by the time this mystery jutsu was discovered his sexy-no-jutsu was bound to already be famous in and of its own right anyhow and would also be, therefore, instantly recognizable.

Naruto had brightened visibly at the idea, then shot off, cackling, to start hatching his plans.

Even now Kakashi chuckled anytime he found a red item in his office that had escaped the cleanup, relishing the thought of what he'd unleashed on some poor unsuspecting research nin in the future. On the other hand, he liked to think that the one to find it might be another hokage-type, and heavens knew, whoever it was would be able to use all the levity they could get.

As it was, he went over the mystery document in his hand cursorily, sighing when it proved to be nothing exciting. At least that meant he could likely perform the jutsu today without much risk. In fact, it looked pretty bland: simply what looked like a cross between a henge and a bunshin, with a few extra hand signals thrown in here and there in what seemed almost a haphazard fashion. The only thing even remotely interesting about it was that the author was very_ particular_ about those signs and just when to do them, how long to hold them, how long the pause was to be between each one, and how closely the hands were to be held from the body – slightly different for each one.

Kakashi thought it likely those instructions didn't really matter and were either the ramblings of an obsessive-compulsive performer or a teacher trying to instruct a difficult student. Still, he'd be stupid to ignore such specific directions so he carefully laid them out, practicing in pieces ,multiple times over, in order to make sure he got the timing and distances right.

Finally satisfied with his run-throughs, he performed the jutsu in its entirety, following the articles to the minutest detail. The result was…underwhelming.

Standing in front of him was a figure he could only describe as humanoid. Well, probably. The thing had no face, no clothing, no shape, no gender specifying parts, nothing. It seemed more like a doll than anything else, or perhaps a lump of clay a sculptor had just started on, not having yet gotten to giving it defining characteristics, a completely blank slate. It didn't even move save for breathing – though how it could breathe with no nose or mouth he had no idea.

Sure he must have done something wrong, lest this in truth be a jutsu even stranger and more useless than having the ability to turn everything in the vicinity red, he bent back to the scroll. After a moment though the skin at the back of his neck prickled and he sensed a change in the room. Worried the jutsu summoned up a monster which concealed its appearance at first, Kakashi spun out of his chair into a defensive position, scroll in one hand and kunai in the other.

What he saw stopped him dead and he barely muffled an exclamation of surprise. The doll had now transformed into the exact image of Sakura.

He waited a few more minutes, watching the figure, searching for any further movement or signs of aggression, but upon seeing none he finally rose from his crouch. Setting the scroll inside, but keeping his kunai out just in case, he cautiously made his way closer to examine the thing.

She still breathed, her chest rising and falling in a slow, easy patterns, but aside from that she did not move. Heart pounding in his chest he slowly circled her, nothing that most everything about her was exactly the same as the last time he'd seen her. Well…before.

He stared, momentarily caught off guard by the small scar on her neck. He'd been there when she'd gotten that one. Nothing more than a small nick, but bleeding profusely enough he'd had to cover her back while she healed herself mid-battle. That had only been about two and a half years ago so it was one of her newer scars.

He glanced back at the scroll. Was this supposed to happen? Was it supposed to pull up the mirror image of someone he'd lost? Because if so, it was a cruel joke; his heart clenched just at the sight of her.

Standing just to her side, he couldn't stand being in front of her and looking at those sightless eyes, he pressed his kunai gingerly against her skin. He watched in amazement as the skin gave under the pressure and wondered at just how realistic this doll was. Then he replaced the kunai with his fingers, drawing them down up her arm and feeling the slight imperfections, the divots and scars, even a small burn, all of which he knew by sight. Then they jumped from her shoulder to the ends of her hair and he was no longer surprised when they held the same weight and gravity, the same texture as normal hair, that small strands of it flew away at the provocation of his fingers.

Inhaling sharply he pulled away from her, wondering what he had just discovered. He looked back at the scroll, then at this Sakura doll, and back again, before shaking his head, bemused. Deciding there was much more to be gleaned in this experiment he came to the conclusion that he needed to explore this particular jutsu further, to see if this truly was the intended result and what the core purpose was.

After all, his sharingan allowed him to copy a jutsu he saw performed, but he still had to practice to perfect other jutsu just like any other shinobi, and there was no saying he'd done this one correctly. What if this was an abnormality, a completely unintended result?

There was just no knowing until he was sure he'd performed the jutsu perfectly. So for now he followed the instructions at the end of the scroll to dispel the jutsu, thankfully much simpler and easier than the technique to perform it into existence, and watched as Sakura's visage disappeared.

He sat back and took a deep breath, stashing the scroll in a safe location for now. He'd look at it again later…much later. That had nothing to do with how his heart was pounding wildly, how his hands shook slightly and his composure was shaken. He simply needed time to consider the justu's components, that was all. It wasn't like he wasn't frightened of facing up to a dead friend again and having that wound ripped open.

He was the hokage. Of course it couldn't be anything like that.

* * *

Over the next couple weeks Kakashi performed the jutsu a handful of times, always with the same result: he had his own life-like Sakura doll to take up space in his already cramped office.

At least the shock had worn off after the first couple attempts and he was able to look at the experiment and its results mostly clinically. He didn't know if it proved there was something wrong with him that it was almost oddly comforting to have here there, even knowing this doll had nothing to do with the Sakura he'd known, but there was a familiarity that came with it that sometimes softened the heavy blows he was dealt daily in his position.

Now he poured pored over the scroll again, hoping he'd adjusted his timing properly this time to succeed in performing the jutsu correctly in its entirety. After about his fourth attempt with the scroll he'd realized there _was _supposed to be something more to it, and his curiosity near burned with his desire to know whether this Sakura he'd called up with just a step in the process, as if she were supposed to be something more, or if by making a misstep he'd achieved something the original creator had never intended. So just for his own reference he'd also marked elsewhere just how he'd managed to summon this doll, just in case.

He finished the last sign, his timing perfect, and he stared with anticipation at the formless creature that stood before him, wondering how long he'd have to wait this time before it took Sakura's shape. It was taking _forever_, much longer than it ever had before, and goosebumps broke out on his forearms as he sensed something was inherently different about this time.

"Kakashi?"

The familiarity of the voice, despite its hesitance and wonder, stole over him like a wave of cold water, quashing his startle reflex at hearing a voice where surely there could be none. With agonizing slowness his eyes rose from the parchment in front of him to stare in disbelief at the doll that was no longer a doll, but the embodiment of Sakura, beyond just appearance but down to her stance and the way she held her arms slightly askew. The copy held out its arms and stared down at itself as if just as confused as him. It turned eyes the perfect shade of green at him and held out a hand beseechingly.

"Kakashi, it's me, Sakura!"

"I know very well who you look like, but you're not her. Sakura's dead."

She – _it_ – shook its head, confusion melting away into fervor. "But I'm not, can't you see? I'm right here!" Even the note of righteous indignation in its voice had just the right touch and Kakashi cursed himself for ever finding the scroll.

"Impossible," he said firmly. "I examined Sakura's body myself." He'd had to, had to use the Sharingan to confirm that it was truly Sakura and not a replacement Orochimaru had set to throw them off the trail, or to see if there were any traces of the cause of her death – most likely an experimental jutsu – left to examine. There'd been nothing to see but the empty cask of someone he'd once called a friend.

"I know," it said softly.

The silence pulled out taut as they eyed each other warily.

"Ah," Kakashi said at last. "I finally know what's happened here. It truly is brilliant, if with something of a sick twist. Without an object in mind the user's chakra simply creates a formless body, the user's own chakra molding it into that which he most wants to see. You came out just as I remember you because it's my energy creating you."

With a sudden panicky look she tried to forestall him. "Kakashi, wait-"

But it was too late. He'd already dispelled the jutsu, the false body vanishing before his eyes, and he was left alone once again, the sudden silence deafening in his ears.

Suddenly conscious of how closed in he felt, of how small the room was with his piles of paper, he pushed himself up to stand behind his desk and moved to open the window. Even the hokage deserved a break every now and then, and he felt he'd earned one after facing up to that sham of a jutsu.

Kakashi wanted to declaim it as a sick joke, but all shinobi – himself included – knew the pain of loss. He could well imagine someone so unwilling to accept the cold truth of reality, to let go of those he had loved, coming up with just such a trick.

He was all too aware of the temptation though, how it could draw a man to stay trapped in the past instead of living his full life in the present. Even he wasn't immune and his mind flashed through scenarios of old conversations he'd never gotten the opportunity to have, and the appeal was striking, despite knowing it wasn't real, that he'd essentially just be talking to himself.

He shook his head to clear it. No, the cold, grey day was just what he needed. So taking a deep, steadying breath, he plunged outside.

* * *

**A/N:** The rest is coming up shortly. The fic is complete I just found it too massive to post as a one-shot. Reading oneshots of that size has always intimidated me personally so I aimed to chop it up into more manageable bits


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

* * *

Kakashi hadn't intended to summon that bastardization of Sakura, but somehow it was if his hands had a mind of his own. Unlikely, considering the precision that had to go into the jutsu, but with only himself he could pretend.

Still, somehow sitting in front of the memorial and reminiscing over the fleeting lives of so many, summoning up an old friend suddenly didn't seem like such a bad thing, even if it was only a memory. Besides, she'd seemed like she'd been about to say something, and even though it was only a facet of himself reflected back, even though it was a temptation he knew he should refuse, somehow he felt anonymous in closing gloom of dusk and used that as the excuse to cover his curiosity.

The wait was shorter this time; it was less than a minute before the formless body took on Sakura's shape, suddenly standing up straighter as the dummy seamlessly morphed itself into one of her usual stances.

She seemed as surprised as he at her arrival, though her expression quickly melted into a deepening suspicion and, if he wasn't mistaken, she looked a bit mutinous. Apparently she either wasn't taking kindly to being called back up or hadn't appreciated his abrupt termination of their last conversation.

He stared at her, unsure what to say since he hadn't consciously intended to restart their interaction, then just turned and looked calmly at the memorial stone, allowing her to take the time to adjust. She didn't need long, however, and walked right up to the large stone and seated herself comfortably on it.

Kakashi frowned at her. "No respect for the dead, huh? Isn't that a bit ironic, even for you?"

She shrugged. "No one else is around as far as I can tell," she didn't know if he understood she referred to the dead instead of live spectators, "and if they are I highly doubt they'll care about a piece of rock. A person's entire memory can't be bound up in one place." She trailed off momentarily, her eyes distant, but then she snapped back to attention. "Why'd you summon me again? After the way you reacted I thought for sure you were going to have that scroll burned."

He stilled. "What scroll?"

She rolled her eyes. "The one with this jutsu, obviously. C'mon Kakashi, just because I don't have a body doesn't mean I don't have eyes or a brain." She paused, realized that didn't necessarily make sense, then shook her head. Really nothing about her situation made much sense anymore.

"Ah, yes, of course you'd know about it," he said drily.

"You don't believe me," she accused.

He scoffed at her. "No."

That stumped her. It wasn't that she hadn't expected it but she hadn't had enough time to come up with any arguments she thought would actually hold water against him. Instead she just huffed and scooted off the stone to come to a crouch in front of him.

"I don't know what to tell you. What do you want me to say then, that I'm not who I say I am? This is the first chance I've had to talk to anybody in over a year. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to see my friends and know they can't see me? To see them mourning my death and know I have no way of telling them that I'm still here, in a manner of speaking? To see all of you in pain _because_ of me and knowing I have no way of stopping it?"

Her voice was rising, and as she spoke she'd reached for him unconsciously, her fingers wrapping around his in an effort to convey her meaning through touch. Her mind was so caught up in her words though, in the memories they brought up, of the frustrating anguish, that she didn't notice anything was wrong until she heard Kakashi's sharp inhale and saw him stiffen.

"What's wro-" She didn't finish because as she looked down the problem was all too evident. Her fingers, wrapped around his, had cleanly broken two of his digits, his fingers sticking out at unnatural angles. Pulling back hastily, and probably doing more damage as she did so, she backpeddled until her back was against the memorial.

"I'm so sorry." She stared down at her hands in horror before pushing them flush to her face. Eyes widening she touched the grass under her feet, the cement she sat on, the stone behind her, and _nothing_. Pulling her hands back up in front of her she pulled on her chakra. Since it was connected to both the soul and the body she'd never truly lost it but it didn't function properly without both parts, so she assumed that was why no one could sense it.

Now her chakra flared up in front of her, the bright green of a healer, and she realized she'd unconsciously called it up because that was obviously her need at the moment. Still, as she looked back and forth between her hands and Kakashi's, she knew she couldn't do a thing.

"I can't feel anything in this body," she whispered, knocked dumb by the fact that she hadn't even realized it until then. Granted, she'd been focusing on other things and had become so used to lack of sensation over the last year, but that was no excuse for hurting him.

"I-I don't trust myself to do anything. If I can't feel then I can't control my chakra output."

His eyes were glued to her hands. It was obvious he could sense her chakra, tell that the signature was hers to perfection.

"You need to get those looked at soon." Even at that distance she could tell his fingers were already grossly swollen. She winced when he pulled them back into alignment. Granted, it was far from the worst injury he'd ever received, even from a Konoha shinobi, but _she'd_ been the one to do it. Not only did she feel off-balanced and guilty, but he could now, by all rights, view her as a threat to the village, and she'd lose the only chance she had to resolve her situation. But honestly, what could she say?

"Kakashi, really, I'm sorry."

He stood, brushing off his pants with his good hand. "We'll talk later."

Later? There was going to be a _later_? She couldn't help it; hope suffused her chest, boosting her to a state of euphoria she hadn't experienced since her separation.

And so it was that she didn't put up a fight as Kakashi dispersed the jutsu, and as her body dissipated there was a tiny smile lingering on her face.

* * *

Kakashi trudged up to his office, too drained to do anything more than sink gracelessly down into his chair.

She'd called herself Sakura…and he'd let her.

He gave the scroll on his desk a disgusted look, but knew the barb was really directed at himself. Oh, this jutsu was good and the lure of it was undeniable. Even knowing what it was he'd been unable to deny himself from calling her a second time, and it hadn't even taken that long for his determination to break – not even an hour.

Part of him knew that was understandable, that most anybody would succumb to the memory of a lost loved one, but he was supposed to be stronger than that. He was the hokage, he _had_ to be stronger than that.

If it had just been anyone but Sakura.

He shook his head, dislodging the thought. But the doll was too similar for comfort; all of its mannerisms were spot on, from the way Sakura's right shoulder would twitch when she started to get agitated to the way she mumbled under her breath, to the tension riding her shoulders when she was distraught or trying to act tougher than she actually felt at the moment.

It was crazy to call up this imitation not once, but twice, and to have promised a _doll_ a third time. The worst part was that he knew, despite all his awareness that this jutsu could be a trap, it likely wouldn't be the last.

Then again, for looking at this doll and seeing Sakura, Kakashi was pretty sure he had to already be teetering on the edge of insanity.

* * *

It was a full week before he called her up again and Sakura was fuming with impatience. When she realized her panic was ill-founded, that he had indeed kept his promise and she wouldn't be stuck in that nether-world forever, the relief she experienced was heady. The combination was not good for her temperament though and she rounded on him as soon as she found she had vocal chords, desperate to plead her case.

"Okay, so what can I do to prove to you that I am who I say I am?"

He sighed heavily. "Not this again."

"Yes, this again." She stalked up to him, her finger coming just short of poking him in the chest. After their last meeting she found she didn't trust herself to touch anyone anymore. "Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to finally have a chance at life again, at simply _conversing_ with someone, and not being believed? So just tell me what I have to do already!"

She stopped her fist suddenly, staring in exasperation as it hovered barely above his desk, checking her chakra and realizing she'd been about to smash the thing. With an aggravated sigh she backed up slowly then forced herself to relax, to think things through calmly. There was no way the Kakashi she knew would respond to her shouting.

"Okay, what about this? How about I tell you something that only the two of us would know?"

He snorted, but she couldn't quite make out if he was amused or irritated with his arms folded in front of him like that. "Wouldn't help. If this is working on my memories then obviously you know everything that I know."

Sakura huffed irritably before perking up again. "Then I can tell you secrets between myself and other friends, say something only Naruto and I would know. Then you could go ask him yourself, check that what I'm saying is true, and that'd be your proof!"

She looked so excited that he hated to let her down, but this was going far enough. He'd just about had it with this puppet's delusions. "This jutsu is experimental; I have no idea how far-reaching the effects are. It could be it's designed so well, to give the summoned every appearance of reality, that it can affect outside sources as well. It could supplant memories, create hallucinations, affect the user's mental capacity… I could even be trapped in an alternate reality while the jutsu is in effect. There is no way I can trust anything that results from it, especially nothing from your lips. Anything that 'confirms' your supposed identity only causes more suspicion and raises the danger level of this jutsu."

He sat back suddenly. "I've had enough of this."

Her hand reached out toward him. "No, Kakashi, wait-"

She couldn't say anything more as he dispelled the jutsu and she was once again bodiless. She barely muffled a scream – not that anyone could hear it. She was really getting sick of this.

* * *

Her fourth and fifth visits with him went much the same: she argued about her identity, he got irritated, and then her dummy body was gone. The last time, his reaction had been so severe, so resigned that she was sure he was done with her.

She'd wished to stand close to him but her fear had kept her on the other side of the room, but she'd still near vibrated with tension and the need to convince him. "No Kakashi, it's me, really. I don't know why I'm like this, but I'm not some facet of your consciousness or anything ridiculous like that. I've been watching all of you all this time – well except the little trips I take to keep myself from dying from boredom."

His brow quirked at her word choice but she just sighed. "Look, I don't know what's happened to me, all right? But I'm _real_, this is just the first time any of you have been able to see or hear me. There has to be _something_ I can do to convince you."

Kakashi had just sighed heavily. "I was afraid of this."

The resignation in his voice had worried her more than anything else so far. "Afraid of what?"

"This repetition of yours. I had hoped… Well, that doesn't matter. If all you're going to do every time we speak is claim Sakura's identity then there's nothing more for us to say. I had wondered if this jutsu had its limitations and maybe this is it – maybe you _can't_ do anything other than harp on the same subject, trying to lure the user into belief. Then what would happen?" He'd shaken his head. "I don't know, but I surely do not intend to find out."

She'd watched mutely as the world faded around her, changed to the slightly altered vision she had in her incorporeal form, thoughts warring in her mind. Most of her was enraged, both at Kakashi and herself. He was being stubborn but so was she. She was a kunoichi, and her training had taught her that when one angle of attack didn't work to alter it, but here she had done just as he claimed and kept on with the same lines over and over. Of course he would get frustrated.

It didn't lessen her anger any though.

Part of her mind was consumed with the thought he hadn't finished. Just what had Kakashi hoped to get out of their meetings? Was it a strictly professional wish, something having to do with figuring out the particulars and limits of the jutsu? Very possible but somehow she had the feeling that wasn't it. Personal then? But what could he want from meeting with the 'doll' of someone dead? Closure?

She shook her head, unsure. Now she just had to sit and wait to see if that was the last she saw of him or if he relented and allowed her a body again.

At first she'd been more optimistic, knowing that despite all appearances, Kakashi wasn't one to hold a grudge and was much more inquisitive and curious than the average shinobi would guess. As the days bled into weeks though she began to lose hope, panic tightening in her gut. So when, after three weeks, she felt that familiar pull behind her navel, she stepped into the doll with as much grace as she could and then just stood there silently, watching him.

He sat back behind his desk and appraised her in much the same way. "You're not going to start in again?"

She shrugged as nonchalantly as she could. "I wasn't making much headway. Besides, I'd like the chance to stay in this realm for longer than five minutes." It grated at her, to know he wouldn't listen to the truth, that she couldn't just bludgeon it into his head, and that, worst of all, he had complete control over her right now. If she didn't play by his rules there would be no game at all.

Kakashi was looking at her hands, motioned toward them. "You might want to relax. Doesn't do you any good to hurt yourself."

Looking down she realized she had her hands clenched, tight if she judged by the bloodless look, and vaguely wondered if she could hurt herself in this condition. Part of her wanted to try, to a degree just to see Kakashi's reaction, but mostly just for the sake of curiosity. It wasn't like she'd feel it anyway. But she had no way of knowing if the body would heal itself or if she'd be doomed to constantly be called to a vessel with crippled hands, so she forced herself to relax.

"Good." He nodded. "You can take a seat if you like," he said, gesturing to the empty chair across from him.

She figured it didn't matter either way, she couldn't exactly get tired of standing in a body that had no sensation, but she liked the idea of being closer to him and being able to gauge his reactions more accurately. Despite watching over him so often he was still very difficult to read.

"So," she started awkwardly, "what do you want to talk about?"

He looked at her drolly and she nearly sighed in exasperation. "What makes you think I want to talk to you?"

She threw her hands up. "Why else would you call me here? Just so I can clutter up your office even more? I've obviously irritated you enough the last couple times that I doubt you'd have brought me in again so soon if you didn't have something on your mind."

She couldn't keep the sarcasm from her voice at the last little bit, feeling like those three weeks had been torture, but as she let her hands fall back into her lap she also couldn't help but smile slightly. It was oddly freeing to be both spirit and have Kakashi think she was someone, something else.

He'd been a leader figure all her life but now that he was her only source of interaction the old social strictures just didn't hold up. The normal rules of their interaction were shifted and she found she wasn't nearly as worried anymore about what she said to him. Before her death she doubted she ever would have been so upfront with him.

"Well then," he said, rubbing his chin in what she could tell was false indifference, "who, or what, _are_ you exactly?"

She bristled, forgetting she was trying to be civil. "Look, I get it, you don't believe me. Fine. I guess it's too much for me to expect you to. But I know _who_ I am, and if you're asking me to spin you some other tale you're in for a long wait. I won't lie to you."

She sat back, muttering under her breath, and Kakashi nearly chuckled. She had Sakura's mannerisms all right, down to every single action. He'd be surprised with the continuity, if it weren't for the fact that the jutsu must create her to act exactly as he'd predict. Still, it was like old times, seeing her so righteously indignant. Plus, since it wasn't really her, perhaps he could push a bit more than he otherwise could've.

"I see. Very honest of you." She glared as he crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back, looking for all the world the very picture of relaxation. "Well, for lack of a better subject, why don't you tell me your story then."

"M-my story?" she spluttered. "I-I don't…" She hadn't thought that far ahead, hadn't thought what to tell him, and for that matter, she wasn't exactly _sure_ what had happened to her. So what did she tell him?

He watched her struggle for a moment before he shook his head. "Let's start with something smaller."

She looked back up at him, grateful for the reprieve.

"Why did you leave?"

His posture was still relaxed but the look in his eye had changed, and she realized with a pang that what she said really mattered to him. The cowardly side of her didn't want to tell him, to expose herself in such a way when he believed so little in her, but she'd already told him she wouldn't lie.

Taking a bracing breath she looked him straight in the eye. "I simply needed to know the truth for myself."

"The truth of what?" Well obviously he wasn't going to make this easy for her, seeing as everyone already knew what she'd left for.

She forced herself to regain her calm before she spoke. "I went after Sasuke. I needed to know, to see for myself what he'd become. I needed to know if the rumours were true, if he was simply playing a part or had really turned against us, how strong Orochimaru's hold on him was. Mostly," she paused, both regretting what she was about to say and relieved to finally admit it to someone, "I needed to know what else we could have done, what _I _could have done. I wanted to know if he was beyond our grasp, if he still had any inclination to return home, or if he just needed a little nudge in the right direction. It felt like betrayal, to sit and listen to all the gossip and not try to actively do anything to help him, so I just had to see if I could."

When she fell silent he prompted her, "And could you?"

She started, as if pulling back from her thoughts. "I-I don't know for sure." Honestly, she doubted it, but she couldn't bring herself to voice it out loud. "We had so little time together and he was just so indifferent. I don't think he was moved at all while I was with him, but had we had more time…" She trailed off, shrugging.

"Before he turned you over to Orochimaru?"

"No!" Sakura shook her head vehemently. "He didn't."

Kakashi cast her a dubious look. "The two work together, do they not?"

"Yes, but, well, not like that. I don't think it was just me he was indifferent toward; he didn't take much interest in Orochimaru or his work either.

"Mostly, it was my fault." It galled her to admit it, to lay her weaknesses so bare before him, but that was the truth of it, and her voice turned bitter as she continued. "I got careless after I found him, didn't think what would happen should anyone else stumble across us when we were together. It was my own stupid mistake."

Kakashi heard the masked pain, the self-recriminations, and couldn't help but respond, despite knowing his reassurances didn't matter since she wasn't real. "Yes, it was stupid." She winced. "_But,_ you still consider Sasuke your friend, your team, right?"

She nodded.

"You tend to associate those people with home, with safety. While not always wise, it's hardly surprising to lower your guard around them."

She stared at him, dumbfounded, and Kakashi felt acutely uncomfortable. He coughed. "So Orochimaru grabbed you while you were with Sasuke?"

"Close enough. We weren't together at the time, but he was perfectly aware of it."

"And he made no move to free you?"

She shook her head. "As I said, he was indifferent to just about everything. He didn't care enough to free me, but at the same time I don't think he ever would've turned me over either. Frankly, if it doesn't concern his family or his immediate attempts to gain power, he just doesn't care what happens either way."

She was trying to tell her story in a straightforward fashion, without emotion, but Kakashi could see her curling in on herself at this last bit. Sympathy pulled unintentionally, and somewhat reluctantly from him, he decided to switch her focus, though he couldn't be sure it was any friendlier a topic.

"What happened once Orochimaru had you?"

Sakura scowled. "Experiments, as you obviously guessed. He was still obsessed with figuring out the key to immortality. I'm not sure if he was trying to perfect the method he'd been using, of transferring from body to body as each one deteriorates, or if he considered that a temporary measure until he found a more permanent. Either way, it meant he needed to constantly do more research, which meant he needed test subjects."

Kakashi found his hands clenching under the desk, his mind reeling with the possibilities that this story could be true, that it was a viable way for Sakura to have met her end. He'd suspected half of it anyhow, so it wasn't hard to piece together, but he hadn't accounted for his reaction at hearing the words from her mouth, seeing her reaction as she retold it.

He was _furious_. Furious at her for leaving, for being so optimistically naïve, furious with Naruto for not having kept a closer eye on her, and mostly with himself, for not having known what was going on in her head, not knowing the inner debate she must have been constantly waging those last few days, for being a hokage who couldn't keep tabs on his own shinobi.

It was illogical and he knew it, but that didn't help lessen the heat of it. He had to walk himself through it instead. He was the hokage, after all, for better or worse, and he knew better than to let emotions dictate his actions. Besides, he knew he couldn't place any blame at Naruto's feet: he'd seen the blonde after Sakura's disappearance and had helped coax him from the mire of guilt and shame he'd put himself in.

They all knew Sakura was a loose canon and did what she thought was right. She could've told them to their faces that she was going on a retreat with Ino, that she had no interest in knowing Sasuke anymore, then left to pursue him the following morning. She was going to do what she was going to do…which was what pushed him over the boiling point.

"Did you never think about those you left behind?" he hissed through grated teeth. "Did you have no care for what everyone would go through if anything happened to you? Did you think about it at all, or did you just decide you didn't care? You should've seen your friends after your disappearance, after your body came back. Naruto especially was beside himself with grief, with guilt. He's still not the same." He spat the accusation, not realizing until that moment how angry he'd truly been with her.

"I did see," she replied, her voice trembling. "I watched Ino, Naruto, Lee, Sai…you. I saw you grieving, tried to tell you that I was still here, but I couldn't do anything. I just had to watch and watch and watch! I didn't want any of you in pain because of me but there wasn't anything I could do about it! It was awful…to know what I'd caused…"

"Excuses."

"What else would you want me to say?" she snapped back. "I've already told you that yes, I was stupid and careless, so what else can I do? If I could go back in time…"

He sat forward, suddenly alert again. "Would you still leave?"

She didn't have an immediate answer, but sat, thinking. She reflected on it so long he thought she wouldn't answer, but finally she declared, "Yes, I would."

Kakashi sat back and sighed. "I thought you'd outgrown your over-sentimentalism, of letting emotions get the better of you, and that you'd become a stable kunoichi."

Sakura scoffed. "I think you know that I've never been the most stable, but I have done a lot of growing up. I'm not the same girl I used to be, if that's what you're getting at. I didn't go because of any one emotion." They both knew which one in particular they were talking about, and Kakashi was surprised – somewhat pleasantly – to see she was saying that wasn't her motivation. "Like I said, I'm not the same person I was." She smiled a little ruefully.

"Why go then, if you weren't emotionally driven?"

"I never said there were _no_ feelings involved. As you said yourself, he's _family_. I couldn't abandon him if there was any hope that I might be able to help. I'd do the same for any of you."

"You'd do so for, say, Chouji?" he asked skeptically.

She rolled her eyes. "No, but not because I wouldn't _want _to help, but because I was relying on our past connection to help me get through. I have no such relationship with Chouji so he'd have no reason to listen to me especially. I would do the same for any of my team though…for you, for Sai, Yamato, Naruto, heck, even Ino-pig. But in the end it didn't seem to matter much anyhow."

"So," he asked leadingly, "if you could go back?"

She sighed. "I think I'd still have to try, my conscience wouldn't let me rest otherwise. Naruto had his chance and I needed mine. I like to think I'd be more alert though, and hopefully prevent myself from being taken in the end."

They were both quiet a moment, letting everything of the last few moments sink in. Finally Kakashi stirred. "You never did finish telling me about Orochimaru, how you got to be in the state you're in."

Sakura smiled a bit sadly, knowing Kakashi didn't believe she was in any 'state' but that for whatever reason he was humoring her anyhow. If the situation weren't so tense she'd find it sweet.

"As I said, he was experimenting. He liked that I was a medic, used some particular techniques aimed at those specific chakra patterns, but those are all the specifics I know."

"Were you in much pain before the end?" Kakashi didn't know why he asked; experiments weren't known for being gentle and he was nothing if not a realist. But his hands were clenched out of view again, and for some reason he found it mattered to hear it confirmed. There had been no wounds on her body, and they weren't sure what her actual cause of death had been.

To his utter relief she shook her head. "I was drugged up or unconscious for most of it – supposedly to make me more receptive to the procedures. The bits and pieces I did grasp led me to believe he was working on more the incorporeal aspects of myself, on my chakra and my soul itself."

She looked down at herself. "Which I'm assuming is what led me to this predicament. He had to have altered my spirit itself to get me stuck in this situation. I couldn't get back into my body, but for some reason I can inhabit this one. I can't move on to the afterlife either though. Part of me wonders at my death, since I don't remember it and I see no other beings like myself around, but another part of me fears that he altered my soul to the point where it doesn't _belong_ anywhere else, where it's rejected both by earth and heaven, until I'm doomed to wander the in-between forever."

Silence fell on them again, Kakashi contemplating all the possibilities and implications of what she'd just said, Sakura growing tenser by the second as she waited for Kakashi to start in on her about claiming to be herself again. Why had he even asked in the first place? Driven to the point of irritability, she asked him. To her utter consternation, he laughed.

"Fine then! Just go ahead and throw your accusations. I already told you I won't lie to you, so you can choose to believe it or not. Go ahead and end your little jutsu and send me back to nothingness if I offend you so much – you have every other time."

That sobered him. "Are you really aware between the episodes where you have a body?"

Slightly hesitant, sensing a trap, she answered, "Yes."

Kakashi sank lower in his chair and sighed. Just because she was a doll didn't mean that this jutsu hadn't somehow created a consciousness out of his memories. What if the jutsu didn't end completely when he did the final hand-signs, just the physical portion did? Was it possible he really was sentencing her to the emptiness of watching all the times she wasn't corporeal?

He realized she was right though – anytime he was irritated he could wish her into nothingness while she had no such power in return. It would gall him to no end to be in such a position himself. "Perhaps I have been a bit hasty in ending the jutsu."

Then he realized he was starting to think of her in terms of a true being and not a henge or another imitation pulled up by chakra manipulation and scolded himself. It seemed this jutsu was dangerous and tempting in ways he hadn't first anticipated.

Meanwhile Sakura stared at him agog. "Did you just admit to doing something wrong?"

He snorted. "I never said I was doing anything wrong, just that perhaps I was being a little too reactive to what a doll has to say."

He watched her, impressed when her face turned red and her shoulders shook but she kept herself in control. "I'm not a doll. I won't argue with you about it anymore but I won't deny what I am either."

Kakashi shrugged. "Fine, each of us is entitled to our own opinions. Agreed?"

Sakura huffed, mostly at the term 'opinion'. Really she had no other option, but if they compromised on this then at least he'd be more likely to keep talking to her. That was the only way she might finally convince him. "Agreed."

"Okay then. I'm afraid that as enlightening as this discussion has been I need to get back to work now." He waved vaguely at the piles of paperwork scattered around the room and, having seen how Tsunade would've reacted to so much desk work, nearly winced.

His hands were already in motion when she spoke again.

"Kakashi?"

He paused, waiting.

"Please don't make me wait three weeks again, okay?"

His smile was the only response she got as she disappeared once again.

* * *

Kakashi stared down at his hands, still holding the last sign, and slowly exhaled while pulling them apart.

This jutsu was turning out to be all sorts of trouble. Not only was he behind on his work because of the time he'd spent to explore just how far this elaborate ruse would go, but the more he spoke with her the more she seemed just like and the Sakura he'd known and at the same time quite different.

He knew it was still his responsibility to discover all the ins-and-outs of this summon, to find out exactly how it worked, how far it could evolve, so while there was no guilt for the redirection of his time something still niggled at him, something that left him feeling both intrigued and distinctly uncomfortable.

Her explanations were plausible, something he could easily imagine could have really occurred, and he wondered whether subconsciously he'd come up with those possibilities or if the jutsu filled in holes on its own. It wasn't unheard of for such things to happen, for a simple manipulation of chakra to become intelligent in its own way. It was definitely something he needed to look into.

But what worried him most of all was that the he was actually coming to enjoy the time he spent with her.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

* * *

He did, indeed, have a lot of work to catch up on. Sakura knew that he couldn't be so far behind just from the time he spent with her, so she watched him curiously as he went from task to task.

The last few times he'd dismissed her she'd been angry enough that she hadn't cared to stick around and see him when he refused to see her, so she'd instead gone and silently followed her many other friends. Sai was always entertaining, what with the research he still did as to the structure of social strictures and interactions, and the way he would follow through on them, but she still followed Naruto and Ino primarily.

She'd popped in on Kakashi occasionally, but had never spent hours at a time with him, so she'd never seen the constant fever-pitch he worked at. She watched team after team march into his office to be assigned missions, looked over his shoulder as he reviewed mission reports, sat through a boring meeting or two with a local dignitary, and all through it she never saw him waver, never saw him showing the slightest weakness, but she noticed other things too.

He was still behind and his energy was flagging.

She finally felt the tug two days later and when she melted into the body in Kakashi's office she was unsurprised to see him still writing. Sitting herself down in a chair she looked him over.

"You haven't eaten yet today."

His head bobbed up and he ruminated a moment. "No, I guess I haven't."

"Why not?" she asked, exasperation masking her concern. "Do you think this place will fall down around you if you don't take a lunch break? It'll be in far sorrier shape if the hokage falls ill from malnutrition and overexertion."

He just grunted and she wondered if he was even listening, and if not why he'd bothered summoning her up.

"Why don't you have an assistant to help you out with all of that?" she asked, motioning to the piles of paper stacked about everywhere. "Tsunade never would've been able to accomplish everything that needed done without Shizune, or even myself." She felt odd at the admission, like she was boasting, but it was true enough. No one could function forever without help, but it seemed Kakashi was determined to grind himself to the ground in an attempt to do so.

"I see Shizune lurking around sometimes so why don't you use her assistance more often?"

"She's Tsunade's assistant," he said simply. "Her loyalties lie there."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like they can't ever be apart. I'm not saying you pull her in permanently, but she knows how things work around here. She can train a new personal assistant for you – neither Kotetsu nor Izumo would likely mind the 'promotion' if you can call it that - or even just help out from time to time. Believe it or not, not even you can run a village by yourself. What about Naruto?"

He was, after all, the logical choice. Not only had the two worked together for more than a decade, but Naruto was still working toward becoming hokage, and getting acquainted with the working aspects of the job could hardly be a bad thing for him.

Kakashi shook his head. "Not him," he said, wondering why he admitted his concern. "He still believes the hokage has a glamorous job, despite all he's seen of it already, and I figure I'll let him keep that notion as long as he can. Besides, he's changed since…" He trailed off, but they both knew what he was alluding to. Sakura had seen well enough how her death had affected her friend and teammate, how it had uprooted his life.

Still, moping over it with Kakashi wouldn't get them anywhere, and would likely only get her dismissed earlier because the subject matter would probably turn to territory he didn't like to discuss. So for now she'd focus on the worry she could affect.

"I don't care how you get it then," she continued baldly, "but you need some kind of aid around here. You barely leave the office, and even then it's usually only to sleep. I've seen you sleep in here before but I'd thought it was just you slacking off, not because you were so exhausted. What happened to the chronically lazy Copy-Ninja I knew?"

Kakashi actually chuckled at this. "He became hokage. Besides, I was never really as lazy as I pretended to be. It was just amusing to see your reactions, especially when you would think I just magically knew how to do something and hadn't put in the hours and hours of practice on it."

She gaped at him. "Are you serious? You mimed at it just to have some fun with us? I can't believe you'd go to such lengths!" She laughed. "Wouldn't it just have been easier to practice in front of us than to laze around for hours and then sneak off on your own sometime?"

He scratched his chin. "Easier, yes, but much less fun."

"You're incorrigible."

"I do what I can."

"Well is there anything I can do to help you out?"

He looked at her askance, his amused skepticism clearly evident. "And just what could you do? You can't control your body so you can't do most physical tasks and I can't trust you with any village information just in case this jutsu does turn out to be something else. So what do you propose?"

Sakura threw her hands up in defeat. "I don't know. If I'm here I just figured I may as well be useful. Teaches me to try to help you out though, huh?"

She trailed off into unintelligible grumblings but Kakashi could guess the gist of what her chief complaint was and chuckled. He'd found himself doing that more often lately, specifically in this office when she was around, and supposed that levity was definitely a way he could consider her helping out in. Not that he'd tell her though.

Instead he pushed back in his chair, the feet squeaking against the floor and pulling Sakura back from her mutterings. "I suppose I should go get myself some lunch then. Doctors orders."

While she always regretted when their meetings ended she found herself softening between the amusement in his voice and the smile she was coming to distinguish as his real one."

"Until next time then?" she asked, always so much more comfortable and reassured with things when he voiced it out loud.

"Until next time," he confirmed, and with a quick two-fingered salute, he was out the door and her body was gone.

* * *

To her gratification, when Kakashi summoned her back to his office the next day during lunch, there was a tray of food in front of him.

"Want some?" he asked, surprising her with his solicitousness. Then again, maybe he was just testing her.

She didn't feel hungry, of course, but that didn't mean her body didn't need energy to continue. She wouldn't want to collapse just because she didn't know what this body needed. Then again, without sensation, it might not process things at all, and she really didn't want undigested food sitting in her esophagus or stomach and causing who knew what kinds of problems.

Besides, the medic in her looked at the tray and realized there wasn't nearly as much food as she would've liked, considering how Kakashi had been skipping lately, and knew he needed all the sustenance he could get.

Thoughtfully, she shook her head. "Thank you, but I'm not sure this body has normal functions. That does make me curious about it though… Want to help me check it out?"

He eyed her doubtfully, leery about where this was headed. "How do you intend to do this 'checking'?"

Sakura held out her arm. "I'd like you to cut me."

"What?" Kakashi was seldom caught off guard but this suggestion seemed rather out of place to him. She was actually asking that he harm her?

Sakura didn't falter. "You heard me. I can't trust myself to do it. Since I have no sensation and can't seem to completely control my chakra I could end up doing serious damage instead of simply nicking myself. So it's much more practical that you do it. This way we see just what this body is composed of and what it can do."

It made sense. After all, the whole reason he was keeping her around was to figure out the extent of this jutsu, right? Testing the properties of the dummy body was certainly something that fell under that category. Still, his hand paused as it reached the pouch strapped to his leg. He found himself hesitating, and realized he was worried about the damage it might wreak on her. If it were truly Sakura he'd have no qualm, being secure in the knowledge that she knew what she was about and would be able to instantly heal herself, but what if he truly did irreparable harm to this body?

He didn't want their meetings to end yet…for purely scientific reasons of course.

Sakura sensed his hesitancy and, just as he'd predicted, got insulted. "Oh c'mon Kakashi, what are you worried about? You know as well as I do that we need to figure this out eventually, and it's not like I'll feel anything. Besides, I'm a trained shinobi – you really think a little cut is going to bother me? Maybe I'll even be able to figure out if I'm actually able to manipulate chakra in this body despite not feeling anything, or maybe the next time this body is called up it'll restore itself to its original condition. Fact is we don't know but I'm not _about_ to back down because of that."

The look she sent him said it all. _Are you?_

With a sigh he fished a kunai from his pouch and stood, moving over to her. It was the closest he'd been to her since the day she'd broken his fingers and it was still unsettling. Despite being aware that this wasn't _really_ Sakura, it seemed harder to accept when in close proximity, when he saw scars littered across her skin that he knew the stories to.

"Don't move," he ordered, grasping her wrist. With a sure flick of his fingers he cut a small line across the top of her forearm, watching intently to see what happened.

Sakura let out the breath she'd been holding. "So, this body really is just a doll."

They both examined the line as it crossed her skin, neatly dividing it, but there was no blood or tissue beneath, nothing to damage. Inside looked to be made of the same material as her skin, as if she were made completely of clay or dirt.

"Interesting that my skin still changes color as if there's blood flowing underneath though," she mused. "Whoever created that jutsu did some pretty tricky stuff."

Kakashi let go of her wrist and moved back to his desk. Truth be told he was relieved by this revelation. He'd had plenty of time to consider all the particulars of this experiment, to wonder at the creator's true intentions and particular circumstances, and the idea that one could make a replacement so lifelike it could do all things a normal human could, going so far as to truly take the place of an old friend or lover, had bothered him deeply. So he was grateful to find out that the originator had either failed in that attempt or had specifically made the jutsu this way.

When he sat he saw Sakura eyeing him and he wondered if she'd guessed at his thoughts. Then he shook his head, reminding himself that she wasn't an individual, merely a manifestation of the jutsu, that if she was a projection of his memory then at some point she _would _know his thoughts, but found he didn't like he was having to remind himself of that more and more often.

Trying to turn her attention away from himself, he said, "Are you going to try chakra manipulation now or shall I go find some mud?"

She made a face at him then closed her eyes and began to focus on the healing, just as he'd wished. He found his own attention riveted now though, wondering what the result would be. Whatever he'd been expecting it certainly wasn't the shockwave of chakra that blasted through the room, knocking him back in his chair, pushing Sakura up against the wall, and unsettling more than a few items scattered around the room.

Slowly he pulled himself back to vertical, watching as Sakura gained her bearings. "I take it that wasn't intended?" he asked dryly.

Shakily she shook her head. "It seems I can't control my chakra output at all. Either it comes out too little or too much."

"Well, let's not try that again anytime soon." Otherwise people would be running to his office from all sections of the building. Already he could hear footsteps down the hall. "Ah, that would be the cavalry arriving. Looks like our time is up."

Sakura nodded. "Make sure you eat the rest of your lunch though."

He looked down at his tray. Sure enough he hadn't touched the food since she'd arrived. "A medic through and through, huh?"

Before she could get out a reply, though, he'd dispelled the jutsu and she was gone, just in time for Yamato to burst through the door, Kotetsu on his heels. He'd apparently arrived first but had felt at odds at just bursting in on the hokage. Yamato, who had no such qualms, walked the room, making sure there was no imminent threat. "What was that?" he asked brusquely.

Kakashi waved his hand in front of his face. "Nothing, nothing. Just going through the experimental jutsu pile, that's all."

Yamato's face turned stern. "You know that's not advisable. What would we do if something were to happen to you?"

"Call a medic? Have Tsunade fill in for a couple days? Name the next hokage?" He shrugged. "Surely there are plenty of options for you."

Yamato sighed, knowing he'd get no repentance from this man and no straight answer either. "Fine, fine, have it your way. There was something…_odd_ about that though. Just what were you experimenting with?"

"Not sure yet. Still in the fine tuning stages. What was so odd about it?"

"I don't know. I just feel like it was familiar somehow. Strange, huh? Not like that's possible." He started laughing and Kakashi awkwardly joined in.

"Well then," he said, making his way back to the door where Kotetsu still lurked, "I'm on duty the rest of the day so let me know if anything else comes up." He didn't wait for a response, knowing he'd never get such a concrete answer from Kakashi, so he just strode out to resume his post.

Kotetsu took one last look around the room, shook his head at the mess, then walked over to the desk. "Want me to take that for you?" he asked, indicating the now-cold food.

"I'm not finished yet. Got to eat it all, medic's orders."

Kotetsu sent him a quizzical look but didn't inquire after it. Instead he turned to go but Kakashi called out after him. "Hey, if you run into Shizune, send her up here, will you?"

"Yes, hokage. Of course."

Then, with the room finally silent and empty again, Kakashi pulled forward some more papers and dug into his food.

* * *

He called Sakura back the next day, interested to see that the cut in her arm was gone. "Glad to see it didn't stick," he said by way of greeting.

She stretched and flexed her arm, watching the way the skin pulled and the muscles seemed to shift beneath the surface, and wondered at the construction. Truthfully she was doing it just as much to cover her astonishment at having been called back three days in a row. Perhaps Kakashi's irritation with her was wearing off. Frankly, if all she had to do to keep in his good graces was to not talk about her true identity, well that was fine with her. It hadn't done her any good anyhow, he'd been far from believing, and at this rate she might make more progress simply spending time with him and letting him see how much like 'Sakura' she really was.

Besides, she'd put up with near anything if it meant being in a body and being able to converse with people again.

"So, I see you took my advice."

"Hm?" he said noncommittally.

"Shizune. I know she's been here already today. The place looks better after even just that little bit of help." She couldn't keep the smug grin off her face but Kakashi didn't seem to take issue with it so she didn't bother to fight it. "Feels good to not pretend you have to shoulder the weight of absolutely everything, right?"

Again, Kakashi had no answer for her so she sat down in what she was coming to think of as 'her' chair with a huff, ready to change tack. "What do _you_ want to talk about then?"

"Who said I had anything in mind?" he asked without looking up from his desk.

Sakura snorted. "What, you just like being haunted? I think that's a bit outlandish, even for you. So what do you want, stories about my travels the last year? Oh, I could tell you about the time Naruto tried to steal your entire Icha-Icha collection. Or how about some of the interesting things I heard from Tsunade-shishou about Jiraiya?"

Looking up, Kakashi smiled at her, shaking his head. "I don't remember you being quite this talkative."

"You've never been the only one I could talk to before."

"I suppose that's true enough." He paused a moment. "Why don't you start with the ones about Jiraiya? Then we can move on to Icha-Icha so I'll know how to punish Naruto later."

Sakura cackled. "How'd I guess that's what you'd be interested in?"

And so started their daily ritual. Every day Kakashi made sure to take an actual 'break' for lunch. He didn't actually stop completely from his work, he felt too far behind to ever do that, but he told everyone else he was so that he'd be left alone and could summon her without worry of an audience. That, and she nagged him anytime he hadn't been eating or sleeping properly, and while he couldn't do anything about the one, he made a point of doing the other in front of her just so she'd give up on the subject.

Three weeks passed in this manner of friendly chats, and Kakashi found himself feeling like he knew more about this fake Sakura than he ever had about the real one, despite their years of working together. She'd told him about the intricacies of her friendship with Ino, why she'd never really wanted to go out for ANBU, why Naruto was the most irritating person in the entire world – despite how her love for him obviously shone through in her tone, how she wished she could've been there to help him out as hokage if this was how he was taking care of himself, and how if she could she'd yell at Tsunade for not making sure someone was checking on him properly more often.

And, as was typical for Sakura when she really got going, she couldn't sit still when she told these stories. She strode around the office, sat on his desk, leaned on his chair so she could look over his shoulder at whatever he was doing, and just generally created a ruckus.

It was a nice change of pace from the usual monotony of the office-life.

Today he caught her reaching for his face once again before catching herself and hastily pulling back, and having seen her do it on a number of occasions he decided to call her on it. "Trying to get a peek under my mask even now, are you?"

To his amusement she blushed. "N-no! Not at all! I wasn't even thinking about that. I, just, well," she caught herself blundering and stood up straight to address him fully. "I'm a shinobi and I've been trained as a medic all my adult life. It's second nature to me now to want to check up on someone and I have to constantly remind myself that I can't be trusted to actually touch you."

Sitting back, he rubbed at his chin, purposefully drawing her attention back to his mask. "Are you sure you're not trying to peek? What about all that time you've been 'floating around' this last year? You never followed me around to see what's under here?"

She stammered, trying to formulate a reply, and she could see he was enjoying setting her off her stride, the jerk. Truthfully, the first few months she hadn't wanted to peek in on him, feeling like it was somehow cheating, but then later she'd grown desperate for anything to keep her mind active so she _had _given in to the urge to try to see under his mask.

As luck would have it though she was never watching him at a time when he had it off. He was so precise about having it on in front of everyone that he didn't seem to take it off, even at home, except when he was in the shower and sometimes when he slept. The few times she'd caught him sleeping, though, it had been too dark to make out more than an outline, and aside from that…well there were lines even she wouldn't cross, and spying on Kakashi in the shower was one of them.

"I eventually did try to see," she grumblingly admitted, "but you never had it off when I was around, so that's that."

"How about we fix that then?" And he pulled his mask down.

Sakura gaped. He had to be messing with her, he _had_ to be, because there was no way that could be his real face. Because there was nothing particularly worth hiding, just a normal face with a few scars. Because if it was, it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt he was completely convinced there was absolutely no possibility she really was Sakura.

She sat down with a dull thunk, her disappointment evident.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked. "Not what you expected?"

Running a hand across her face, she shook her head. "What happened?"

Mirroring her actions, he rubbed at his face, fingers catching on one of the scars. "It's long story, boring too. Besides, it's ancient history."

She knew there had to be more to it than that; the scars weren't bad at all, especially for a shinobi, so there had to be another reason for him to cover up. Still, it was evident from the set of his newly-uncovered jaw that he wasn't going to tell her anything.

"Besides," he continued, "shouldn't you already know?"

His gaze was hard, searching, and she exploded at the sudden shift.

"Dammit, Kakashi, stop pretending like I should know everything you do! I'm Sakura, not some facet of your demented imagination, otherwise I'd probably look like some Icha-Icha bimbo. Dispel the jutsu if you want but stop treating me like I'm less than human."

He hmphed, pulling his mask back up. "You're the most interesting thing that comes into my office every day, so I'd hardly say I'm demeaning you. Still, it's well within the bounds of my position, my duty actually, to test the extent of this jutsu, wouldn't you say?"

She all but hissed at him. "Don't try to get all rhetorical or scientific on me. If you were in my position I'd like to see you put up with this half as well." Truth be told she thought he probably would do better, seeing as he'd always had more patience, but anger wasn't about to let her admit that to herself – or him – at the moment.

Leaning his arms on the desk he shifted toward her. "What would you have me do then? Let you loose on the streets of Konoha?"

She let her head fall onto her knees as defeat sank its teeth into her. "I don't know. I don't know what this is or why I'm here or what's going on or how to fix it. All I know is that I'm tired and irritated and I want to be back to myself, but that's not happening anytime soon, if it ever does, and getting to talk with you is the best thing that's happened to me all year. I wouldn't give that up."

Taking a couple deep breaths to calm herself back down, she muttered, "I don't see why you're complaining anyhow. This is much more frustrating for me than it is for you."

Kakashi hummed his disagreement. "I'm not so sure. Here I am, having grieved an old teammate for a year, and now I have her – or the ghost of her – parading herself around in front of me all the time, and I put up with it despite knowing it can't last forever. I hardly think this is the wisest position to be in either."

She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes bleary. "Why do you put up with me then?" She stared at him, searching, sure this was going to be when he told her he was fed up and that this was the end of things. He'd already told her more than she'd ever expected so she was sure it had to be the build up for the end.

He took his time, mulling over all his reasons. He couldn't tell her it was because he enjoyed their interaction, that her visits were the highpoints of his days now, because that would give her far too much leverage over him. But neither could he tell her that it was just seeking out information on this jutsu. They'd moved beyond that and that explanation just wouldn't hold water; not only had he probably already found the edges of it, but if that were all it was then he wouldn't be conversing with her so often and would conduct more experiments instead. No, it was well beyond that now.

He knew what she expected him to say but, given his interest, he really had no desire to stop her visits altogether. The logical part of him looked at himself clinically and worried that he'd succumbed to the addiction of a memory, but he didn't think that was likely. For one thing this new Sakura was different than the old, beyond just being more talkative around him. She was ruder, more interested in the particular well-being of all those around her, more interested in the world at large in general – asking him particulars about things she'd 'seen' while away from him, not worried about social strictures, and a hundred other things he couldn't place particularly, but things that separated them nonetheless.

Mostly though he could convince himself that there was absolutely no harm in his allowing their relationship to continue. While it may be a danger for many, he was in a secluded space for hours upon hours every day, with little interaction beyond the business of assigning missions. A little social interaction might just be what kept him sane until the next hokage was named. And, of course, there was the little bonus that she'd decided to make herself his personal medic and nag at him if his health deteriorated too far.

All in all, he was sure he was perfectly justified in letting this continue. Still, it wasn't like he could tell her all that. So he settled for the vaguest answer he could come up with that she couldn't argue with: "Because I can."

Sakura opened and closed her mouth a few times, her brain obviously searching for any rebuttal, but she couldn't come up with anything that wouldn't either insult him or possibly get him to change his mind.

"Fine," she said finally, a reluctant smile creeping across her mouth. "So, where do we go from here?"

"From here we-"

She didn't get to hear the rest of what he was going to say and she looking down with utter indignation at the place she'd just been standing. Oh, she was going to rip him a new one as soon as she had vocal chords again, she…

The door swung open fully, Shizune standing there, and Sakura understood. Couldn't let anyone see him talking with the perfect replica of a dead girl – they'd think the hokage had gone crazy. Well, she supposed she could let him off this one time then.

* * *

Shizune cracked the office door open and saw a splash of pink followed by a puff of smoke. Heart hammering she closed the door fully then knocked lightly before pushing it open all the way, hoping Kakashi didn't realize she'd caught a glimpse. She quickly dropped off the reports she'd authorized, hoping to get out of the office as soon as she could so her expression wouldn't give her away. To her relief, Kakashi seemed just as eager to be rid of her.

_And no wonder…_she thought, closing the door behind her. That brief flash was all she'd needed to know; he'd created a henge of Sakura.

Striding down the hall a myriad of thoughts raced through her head. She'd never realized he'd been so attached to her or that her death had affected him so gravely. It wasn't so unusual for someone grieving to create such a replica, it was much like looking at a photo come to life, but to do it so long after her death?

She stopped abruptly and took a shuddering breath. There was nothing wrong with it necessarily, and if that was the way he'd found to cope then that was all there was to it. Most importantly, if this was what had finally prompted him to allow her to help out, and what had signified his increase in overall heath, then it might actually even be beneficial for him.

All the same, when his physical came up next week – luckily a hokage _couldn't_ skip out on them – she'd have to do a full psycho-analysis as well. In the meantime she'd just have to keep an eye on things


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

* * *

The next few weeks passed in a flurry of visits, each coming to new revelations.

Sakura was surprised to find she didn't have to remind Kakashi of Naruto's upcoming birthday or goad him into attending the party. He normally avoided such events with a resilience she both loathed and grudgingly admired, but he'd become more of a fixture in all the aspects of Naruto's life since her passing, and she knew that he was making a real effort on the blonde's behalf.

The only thing she did pick at him about was his gift choice. He'd been set to simply pay Ichiraku in advance for some of Naruto's meals, but Sakura had complained of how generic that was, how many others would probably do the same thing, and how Naruto would be doomed to an unbalanced diet for a month straight. So instead she'd set to following her loud-mouthed friend around to see if she could scope out something better.

She'd hit pay dirt when he'd stepped into a shop that sold Icha-Icha and, once no one was looking, had gone to a back corner and gingerly picked up a book – and not an adult book like his old mentor had written, but an actual novel! He'd held it carefully by one corner, as if he wasn't sure how to handle such a thing, but years of knowing Naruto had allowed her to distinguish the embarrassed longing on his face as he looked around again before hastily putting it back down and shuffling out the door.

Sakura laughed. Only Naruto would be perfectly fine with spying on the women's baths, not a care in the world for if and when he was caught, but be too embarrassed to purchase himself a big, hefty book. She shook her head, guessing he didn't want to put up with any razzing about buying such an out of character item. She could already hear the prods about what he'd really be using the book for since he couldn't possibly want it for reading.

Gleefully she told Kakashi of her discovery the next day and while he looked thoroughly dubious, he acceded to her plan, making sure to give Naruto the gift _after_ his party. The combination of confusion and suspicion on Naruto's face had melted into pure joy as he realized it wasn't a prank and that Kakashi's face held no hint of laughter, and had nearly jumped on the older man in his thanks.

"But how did you know?" he'd asked.

"A little pink birdie told me," the hokage said simply.

Kakashi had looked oddly at her after that, the next few days filled with curious glances and discreet peeks at the scroll with her jutsu on it.

On one of their longer visits Sakura had suddenly sat down in a huff, lamenting the lack of blood in her body, without which she couldn't attempt to call one of her slug summons. She'd been sure one of them would be able to convince Kakashi, since summons weren't affected by typical jutsu in the same way. Kakashi didn't reply to the complaint, though truthfully she hadn't expected him to, so she'd turned her attention to other subjects.

It made Kakashi curious about the way her body worked though, about how she could blush when he poked and prodded back at her when she had no blood, but that was never a safe avenue for his mind to wander down.

Instead he humored her by summoning Pakkun. He had a message for him to deliver anyhow, he rationalized, so there was no harm in it.

The pug had gone from confused to concerned and back to confused again all in a matter of minutes and sat blinking at Sakura. "You smell different."

"No shampoo," she sighed morosely, making Kakashi stifle a laugh as she overdid it.

Pakkun turned on him. "Isn't she dead?"

Sakura gave a short exclamation that decried her displeasure with that term, but otherwise just folded her arms and glowered.

Kakashi chuckled. "Yes and no. This here," he pointed at her with his thumb, "claims to be Sakura come back to life."

The pug grinned, as much as a dog can. "Well then," he said, turning back to Sakura, "I guess you can start by scratching my ears."

As Kakashi got more comfortable with having her around, more comfortable with his enjoyment of her, he started shifting around his schedule so that she could be in her body more often. Feeling bad that the only place she got to see was his over-stuffed office, he even summoned her to his apartment a few times.

He'd insisted Tsunade keep the hokage apartments, and never one to turn down a boon, she'd taken him at his word. She'd come to like the place, after all, and really didn't feel like moving again at her age. Kakashi figured he didn't need anything more elaborate than what he already had. Distance wasn't much of a factor since he could do his transportation jutsu almost every day since all he really did was sit in an office so he didn't have to worry about running out of chakra from the flashy technique.

The first time he'd called her there she'd wrinkled her nose at how dusty the unused areas of the place were. He'd just chuckled at her reaction. She'd wandered around, clucking at the state of things, haranguing him for his bachelor lifestyle and how she could whip things into shape.

Over the course of her visits she'd tried to harass him into doing some cleaning, since she didn't want to risk breaking any of his stuff, but he'd laughed her off. Despite her over-acted disgruntlement at being brushed off, she found herself smiling. She found that she loved to make him laugh and that she was _good_ at it, even if he usually was laughing at her. She could almost always now tell the difference between his fake smiles and his real ones, and the way his eye was crinkled right then told her he was truly enjoying himself. For that she was glad, and not just because it made him more likely to keep her around.

He'd always been so serious, for as long as she'd known him, his only levity seemingly when he occasionally harassed Naruto, but since everyone did that she didn't really count it. So she counted it good for him, not to mention her ego, that he seemed happier around her lately. She'd swear she'd heard him laugh more in the last few months than in all the years before her death combined.

Still smiling, Kakashi looked her over again. She'd certainly made herself at home in his apartment quickly enough, now lounging on his bed as she flipped through an old newspaper. He shook his head. He didn't know how she could still claim to be Sakura; she acted so little like her sometimes. The Sakura he'd known had had a strictly professional relationship with him; she never would've pushed him around or tried to tell him what to do like she did with Naruto.

And she most certainly wouldn't have started flirting with him.

He was pretty sure she wasn't even aware she was doing it. It was probably only natural considering the nature of their relationship and how much time they spent around each other each day. It also made a part of him glad that she _wasn't_ Sakura, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to allow himself to enjoy it, trying to keep up that professionalism that had kept them both so safe.

As it was he found it amusing to poke back at her, to wonder at her occasional blush, somehow made possible by a jutsu that didn't provide her with blood.

He was glad she only saw it as a game, though, a harmless way to keep herself entertained and nothing more. He already knew himself beyond sane to be enjoying things the way he was, but he didn't need to add her censure to the mix.

But things always had a way of turning against him.

The past few days she'd been acting not quite uncomfortable around him, but there was definitely something on her mind that concerned him directly. Knowing she'd bring it up whenever she was ready, he simply waited it out. That night at his apartment, nearly a month after his revelation that she had some kind of consciousness, she'd finally plucked up her courage.

"Ne, Kakashi, I've been wondering something."

"I gathered as much. What do you want to know?"

"Why doesn't it ever surprise you?"

He looked up at her, calmly expectant.

"I know you've lost other friends, that you've spent countless hours at the memorial long before I was gone. If this jutsu does what you purport, that it simply pulls on your memories of those you'd cared for in the past, then theoretically it should bring up some of the others as well. But you never seem surprised when it's only me each and every time."

He still said nothing but his gaze intensified, sharpening until she felt like it cut her open, a horrible certainty creeping up on her that she never would have guessed at. Bridges were being burned that night, walls and fabrications she'd never known existed blazing down between them. And as they fell she realized she'd just found out things about him that she'd never suspected.

Kakashi's insides were screaming at him to end this now, to send her off before he could see the expected derision in her eyes, but his hands were frozen. He knew well enough that she'd read the truth behind his silence, and suddenly the room wasn't big enough for the both of them.

"When?" she whispered.

He couldn't, _wouldn't_ answer, not when it would lay him so bare before her, not when he himself was repulsed by the answer. He couldn't look at her anymore, couldn't stand the feeling of the entire game crashing down in around him, proclaiming his insanity by mouth of a living puppet, and that was what finally propelled him into motion, dropping the jutsu as quickly as he could.

Sakura stared down at him dumbly, unsure of how and when things had taken such an unexpected turn.

* * *

She didn't know if it was her questions that had set him off, but after he'd dispelled the jutsu she'd followed him throughout the week, completely unsurprised when he didn't summon her. She didn't really begrudge it either, since she wasn't sure she was quite ready to face him yet. Plus it gave her time to pondering those new revelations on her own though.

She was completely thrown. Sure, their relationship had grown closer over time and she enjoyed the time she spent with him, and not just because he was the only one she _could_ talk to. She never, ever, would've guessed he had any type of emotional investment in this though, especially with how often he made sure to let her know who she _wasn't_.

There was too much to think about, too much to reexamine, so she wasn't really paying attention to what was happening around her until the harsh sounds broke through her mindset.

Since she'd been following Kakashi she'd wound up at his apartment. Now as it neared midnight she watched Kakashi thrash in his sleep, obviously in the thrall of one of his more vicious nightmares. Not being able to help, to wake him or calm him in any way, was frustrating enough, but her utter confusion added to it.

She'd never seen Kakashi act like this. Oh, she'd seen him have nightmares before – all shinobi had them and they didn't stop just because you were on a mission. There had been plenty of instances where she'd been keeping watch and had heard him come sharply awake, but somehow he'd always been able to keep himself under control, keep his actions – even in sleep – to a minimum so as to avoid making noise and drawing attention to himself. She wondered if he was just on higher alert when out in the field or if this particular dream was affecting him more potently.

He jerked awake suddenly, his mouth open in a silent scream, and then he was sitting on the edge of the bed, head hanging in his hands. As if he wasn't even completely aware of what he was doing he performed the jutsu, _her_ jutsu, and she came into her doll silently, still staring at him awkwardly, unsure what to do. What did you say to someone when you'd just unintentionally witnessed such a vulnerable moment?

She took a hesitant step forward, then another as she thought she saw his hand twitch, and then she was close enough for him to reach out and grasp her hips, hiding his face against her stomach.

"What happened?" she asked, her hands coming up to rest lightly on his shoulders. She couldn't truly return his hold, so that would have to do, because though she couldn't feel his fingers trembling against her, she could still sense the chakra vibrations that assured it, and knew that on some level at least he needed the physical confirmation.

"I don't know why I keep doing this to myself."

She'd heard him say similar things before, knew where this might head, and wondered why he contradicted himself so much. Instead she tried to shift his mind to something else. "What, the nightmares? You know you can't control your subconscious and what you dream."

"Yes, but it's an outlet."

He didn't have to finish the thought for her to understand. "So what are you dreaming of that you're either denying or thinking of too much?"

She only noticed his hands clench because she was looking down. "You're dead, but here I am parading you around, clinging like someone who can't let go. Doesn't that already say something?"

She tried not to feel disappointed, but she doubted he'd have said something even that revealing in front of her were she alive. Instead she plunged forward. "So you dream of me alive?"

His laugh was dry and completely lacking in humor. "For a bit of it, at least."

"Oh." She swallowed. "Is it just _my_ death you dream of?"

He shook his head and she ridiculed herself. Of course not, he was the hokage and a seasoned shinobi; as she'd brought up herself earlier that day he'd had more than enough experience with death in his life. "But mostly yours, recently."

Recently as in since her death or recently as in since she'd started conversing with him?

What was worse was what he would never tell her, that sometimes in his dreams, when Sakura died, she was replaced by an imitation that laughed and joked with him, that didn't mind his taciturn ways and demanding hours and poor conversational skills, that didn't look at him and see the hokage or the Copy-Nin at whom to fawn over or revere, but simply a grumpy old man to poke even more fun at, and that he didn't always mind the switch nearly as much as he should. Even his dreams were turning traitorous and his gut sagged with guilt.

And here he was drawing comfort from the source that caused it.

"Am I losing my mind?"

He said it so softly she thought it was rhetorical, but the tension in him suggested otherwise. So she thought quietly and carefully, picking her words with caution.

"The way I see it you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You run this village as well as you can, protecting as many as you can, at the cost of your own health and sanity. You work as often as you can in a job you seem to not really want simply to see that things are done right. You stand up to the elders when you can, ignore them when they're too pushy, and still manage to make most parties happy most of the time, which is probably more than can be said of most kages.

"Mostly I see that in trying to be this strong pillar for Konoha you've neglected yourself, expecting yourself to be the image of a strong hokage at all times, never allowing yourself even the smallest weakness. You're still human, Kakashi, and we all have our pasts and our traumas, the things we can't wait to forget and those we would don't want to ever let go. And we all need our own supports, and though some might call it a crutch, no one can stand alone continuously.

"If talking to me is something you enjoy then why not do it? What's the harm? Can you honestly say you're less capable than you were a few months ago? That your service has deteriorated? If you continue to isolate yourself in the hokage tower you'll only burn yourself out early, and then what use will you be to the village?

"Believe it or not it's okay to do things sometimes simply because you want to."

She held her breath, tensely awaiting his reaction, but the benefit of his believing her a facet of himself was that he'd also have to believe those words came from somewhere deep down in his psyche and he couldn't refute them too easily.

They stayed in silence for what felt like only a few minutes but had probably been much longer, seeing as Sakura had lost her internal clock and all ability to tell the passing of time, and she knew he wouldn't say anything else. He seemed calmer though, his breathing relaxed and his chakra patterns back to a steadier level, and she could sense the restlessness growing in him. Knowing he'd likely dispel the jutsu soon anyhow she took a risk, asking something she'd been wondering.

"Why do you fear me so much?"

He took a deep breath and finally looked up at her, his eyes glinting in the sparse starlight that filtered into his room. "I don't. I fear myself falling to the hope that this is all real."

And then her vision changed as her eyes disappeared, and she was instead left floating where she'd just been standing, her hands falling slightly to sit inside his shoulders instead of on top of them. She pulled back just slightly, as it still felt awkward to see part of herself disappearing inside something – especially someone – else.

She stayed and watched over him the rest of the night as his sleep remained disturbed and he continued to dream unpleasant dreams.

* * *

An awkward week had followed that, Kakashi constantly on edge as Sakura tried to bridge the gap that suddenly gulfed between them. So she acted normal, refusing to acknowledge anything that had happened recently, instead focusing on the trivialities that he'd feel were safe, hoping to get him talking to her again.

It didn't seem to be having much success though, so she changed her tactics. He'd loosened up before the _more_ friendly she'd gotten with him, so all she had to do now was up the ante until either he relaxed around her or couldn't ignore her anymore.

So now she was sitting on his desk, reading a scroll of medical ninjutsu that she'd sounded so interested in he'd finally had a copy made. What with her not being able to control her strength, he'd realized the hard way not to hand her anything original. He watched her silently a moment, regretting what he was about to do but knowing it had to be done.

"I think it's about time we let the act drop."

She didn't look up from her scroll, merely making an uninterested noise that made him sure she wasn't listening. She did lean slightly toward him, though, her leg brushing his arm, and he was sure she did it on purpose.

"Sakura…" He reached for the scroll but she pulled it away, but as his fingers flitted past her knee he figured that would grab her attention just as well. She couldn't feel it but she could sense it and he knew it would draw her eyes just as it was doing. "This needs to end."

She shot him a confused glance, then looked down at his hand, back to his face, and he knew she reached the right conclusion when he saw panic bloom in her eyes. "But-but why?! I'm no real threat or danger to anything, so what reason could you have for shutting me away again? Don't you enjoy this?"

"Yes." He saw no reason to deny it, but what he wouldn't tell her, and what worried him more, was that he was coming to enjoy their time together far too much. He looked forward to their visits, rearranging his schedule to make sure he had at least an hour alone each day. He felt guilty because he found himself going out of his way to meet this imitation when he'd never done so for the original and felt it was a slight against Sakura's memory. But worst of all, he found himself regretting that she had no sensation, no feeling at all, and not solely for her sake. The thought was beyond unacceptable, and he knew he would end it for that reason alone.

"What, you don't care about my sanity?"

"I believe the sanity of the hokage is more important to this village." He knew he'd just admitted more than he'd intended, that she now knew she'd affected him more than she'd imagined, but he couldn't bring himself to mind the slip. She had to have suspected anyhow, what with the way she acted around him, the way she got more and more familiar every day.

To assuage his sense of guilt, though, he reasoned with himself that if she did have any consciousness – which he still stubbornly counted as highly unlikely – then it was maintained by the jutsu and would end as soon as he stopped calling her back constantly. Truthfully, no jutsu in history could ever _create_ life. If this one had been the one to break that record there was no possible way it would have maintained its secrecy and anonymity so he felt quite secure in that conclusion. No life could be created where none had been to begin with, though many techniques did _imitate_ life or latch onto other living things. So he told himself that he was simply returning things to the natural order.

He stared at the hand still resting on her knee and pulled it back slowly.

"But why-"

"This isn't up for discussion," he said, cutting her off. Then, "I'm sorry," and all the more heartbreaking because she could tell how much he meant it.

And then she was screaming and railing much as she had the first time he'd pulled her body out from under her, but it was so much worse since he knew now what he was doing to her.

Well fine then. If that was the way it was going to be then she had other things to do, better things than to watch him staring at the space she'd disappeared, looking down at his hand like it had betrayed him. She'd had a taste of real life again, and if he wouldn't help her achieve it then she'd find another way, just so she could come back and yell at him some more for pushing her aside, maybe hit him a few times after she was sure she wouldn't damage him _too _badly. If she was feeling amenable she might even heal him afterwards just so he could admit how stupid it was to have sent her away.

For now though she had places to go and things to try to do…again.

* * *

The nice thing about not having a body was that she didn't have the physical demands to slow her down. She didn't get fatigued, she didn't have to sleep, so she could keep on her route continuously. Of course, she traveled more slowly than she would've been able to had she had a body, but still it would only take her two days to get to Suna instead of three.

She'd traveled this path often enough before that she knew.

At dusk on the second day, when she was only about an hour outside of Suna, she gasped in surprise when she felt that familiar tug behind her navel, pulling through her back. Spinning, she stared back over the distance toward Konoha, wondering what on earth could have motivated Kakashi to call up the dummy body again when he'd made it so clear he wanted that to be the end of things.

A small, traitorous part of her took one step forward when she shook herself. Not only was she being ridiculous – there was no way she'd make it back in time – but he deserved to feel a bit of worry when she didn't show up and the body remained an indistinct doll. In fact, she _hoped_ it bothered him. Maybe then he'd take her a bit more seriously. For now though she had other things to attend to, so she spun back around and made her way quietly into Suna.

It was dark by then but stars were bright in the desert, and she made her way easily back to Kankurou's lab. During the year after her death and Kakashi's initial use of the jutsu she'd grown desperate enough to try to attach herself to one of Kankurou's puppets, it being the only thing she could think of to attempt.

She'd picked one of the oldest ones, one made by Sasori that Kankurou had pried apart and investigated and put back together more times than she knew. Her reasoning was that he didn't trust those puppets and wouldn't use them anymore, so she wouldn't have to worry about her process being disrupted by having the thing moved out from under her.

She'd had no success though. Her only spot of hope had come when she'd seen the fingers on the right hand start to wiggle, the whole forearm shaking just slightly, and her heart had leaped in her chest until she realized it was all because of a damn spiderweb. The puppet hadn't been used in so long it was simply collecting dust in a corner, and said spider was about to get dinner because a fly had just gotten caught in the web between the puppet's forearm and the wall.

The frustration in that moment had ended her first attempt. She wouldn't make the same mistake again.

She eyed the puppets with eager determination, wondering whether she should make her attempt on the puppet she'd already tried, making sure to note where each and every bit of web was attached, or a new one. Finally she decided it didn't matter so she went to the one furthest in the back that was still kept in good condition. She double checked to make sure there were no cobwebs attached to this one.

Then she settled herself down into the approximate position the puppet was in and willed herself to possess it, to meld with it. She'd been distracted by her confusion and desperation before, but no more. At least Kakashi was good for clearing her mind.

* * *

Kakashi knew he was in way over his head when he'd caved to his own desire to see Sakura after only two days, despite knowing that it could compromise his safety, his sanity, and basically everything else but his functionality. He still wasn't sure whether to be thankful or regretful about that, because he knew that if his interaction with her impinged on his position as hokage he'd have been able to hold out. But if anything she'd kept him on track, keeping him company in his office and only ribbing him lightly if he spent too many hours there.

He was a sucker and he knew it, but there was nothing else for it. He was good and truly hooked, but at least no one else would ever know.

But when he performed the jutsu, waiting patiently for the doll to turn into the spitting image of Sakura, it never happened. He tried not to look at it, doing his work diligently, but it was impossible to keep it from his mind, and after a half-hour he was outright staring at it. Had something gone wrong?

He started to panic, wondering if the finality he'd felt the last time he'd dispelled the jutsu had truly put an end to things.

He kept the doll in sight until he heard someone knocking on the office door, finally ending the technique and his hope that she'd be back that night. He didn't mean to but he snapped at Kotetsu as he popped his head in the door, scaring the man enough that he left without even asking his question, and Kakashi knew he was no good to anyone that night so he went home.

It was no good there either since he had memories of her there as well, so he just called it a night and tried to find some solace in sleep. He dreamed of her again, but not of Sakura's death or her imitation, but of how she always became the most determined and successful when she came up against a wall, when she was told she could go no further but felt she still had more in her. He dreamed of her trying to find other ways to communicate with him beyond his control, and of her sitting in a dark, cramped place, willing herself to have a body.

He lasted a full week before trying the jutsu again. He'd held off because he wasn't sure what he'd do if she didn't come again, if nothing took shape out of that formless doll, but he hoped she'd be waiting.

She wasn't.

He tried calling her up two more times, each separated by a week that stretched into eternity, when she was finally realized in that body again. He didn't care about decorum, he simply marched right up to her, grasped her face in his hands, and all but hissed at her. "Don't you ever do that again."

She was in no mood to take orders though and her eyes were spitting sparks. "I'm going to hit something. If you don't want it to be you I suggest you find somewhere else for me to go."

It was proof of his relief that he didn't question it but quietly slipped away to the indoor ANBU training course, sending everyone away under terse orders, before summoning her up again. Then he stepped back and watched her go.

A wall disappeared under her first punch and he swore he heard something break on the next one as her chakra fluctuated wildly. She didn't pause at the sound, just kicked out at the dummy behind her, sending it sailing across the room.

He continued to watch her as she raged for nearly an hour before collapsing in a heap, her energy suddenly depleted. "Better?" he asked, crouching down next to her.

She rubbed the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand and glared up at him before sighing. "Yes." She tried to stand but failed and realized that was as far as she was going to get for the day.

"Let's make a deal. I won't hide from you anymore if you'll return the favour."

Kakashi chuckled mirthlessly. "Already done." He paused, considering. "I really hadn't intended to ever call you back, you know. That was supposed to be the end of it."

"I know."

"You have nothing more to worry about then. If I couldn't do it then…" He didn't have to finish. The fact he'd called her back, had tried to multiple times, spoke levels of his addiction and that it would only get stronger from here on out.

Sakura leaned back on her hands and let her head hang back as if she could feel the sun through the roof. "We've gotten ourselves into quite the predicament, haven't we?"

He sighed. "Yes, we have."

"So where do we go from here?"

He shrugged. "Wherever you want."


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5 - End

* * *

After that, their lives devolved into the ritual they'd shared not long before, of long lunches and trivial conversations. That was safe, known ground, and they'd stay there while they regained their balance.

Only two days passed, though, before something else arrived to shatter the tentative peace.

Yamato knocked on Kakashi's door in the middle of the night and let himself in, earning an irritated look from the silver-haired man. "What could you possibly want right now that couldn't wait until morning?" he snapped, stifling a yawn.

"A man came to the village gate seeking asylum and asking for the hokage himself."

Kakashi shrugged. While unusual that hardly warranted getting him up in the middle of the night. "And?"

"It's Kabuto."

That jerked him fully alert. He hadn't been seen since the war between Sound and Konoha. While that alone was enough to warrant putting him in the underground, high-security cell Yamato had locked him into, he'd worked with Orochimaru. He might've had a hand in Sakura's death. For that alone Kakashi wanted to tear the man limb from limb.

He took some deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. He was the hokage, he couldn't afford to get carried away by emotion. He had to find out what the bastard was doing here, _then_ he could rip him apart.

"Why does he seek asylum?" he asked, hurriedly getting ready.

Yamato shook his head. "Wouldn't say. As I mentioned, he only wants to speak to you. Apparently he hopes he has some kind of bargaining power."

Kakashi scoffed derisively. "Let him think that."

He didn't bother with the door but jumped out the window, setting a break-neck pace to the cell Yamato indicated. There was an entire team of ANBU stationed outside the door and another at the entrance to the underground site, a precaution Kakashi approved of.

At the door to the cell Yamato pulled Kakashi back and knocked once, prompting Ibiki to slip out. "Anything?" he asked the interrogation specialist.

"Nothing," he replied, shaking his head. "Then again, I couldn't do anything more than ask questions until the hokage decides his status."

Kakashi nodded in recognition. "I'll just go figure that out then," he said, barely keeping the relish out of his voice. When the others tried to follow him in he held out a hand. "He asked for the hokage so I'll try speaking to him alone first." He wouldn't let them know he wanted a private session with the man for other reasons. "I'll knock or send word if I need anything."

Yamato was slightly hesitant but Ibiki conceded right away, and Kakashi wondered if the man could sense the anger boiling up inside of him. Going inside he latched the door securely behind him before turning to the boy genius who had once been Orochimaru's right hand man and might have been up until the sannin's death.

He stared at Kabuto, who actually looked amused by the whole situation. "You know you risk your life by coming here."

"Actually I hope I might be saving it."

Kakashi wasn't going to bandy words with him, wasn't going to fish around for what the other man wanted to say, so he just leveled a hard look at him to let him know he wouldn't be playing. "Meaning?"

"Sasuke." The room went cold. "After he killed Orochimaru I thought he might come after me, and who better to protect me from him than his old village?"

Yup, definitely amused.

"And why would Sasuke be after you?"

Kabuto threw his arms wide, a smirk on his lips, then shrugged. "In the end I think he did fear Orochimaru just a bit. Well, not him exactly, but the threat of having his body overtaken. Since I'm the only other one who knows that jutsu in its entirety he'd likely feel more secure in having that knowledge wiped out completely, despite the fact that I have absolutely no interest in transferring myself to another body."

"So you're saying you _don't _have any interest in Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, clearly skeptical, ready to throw Kabuto out in the face of his lies if he denied it.

"I can't say I have _no_ interest, but not in the arena he seems concerned with. I don't seek immortality, just to understand the fullest depths of ninjutsu, for which a sharingan would be a most valuable asset, but not if I am dead. While I have no problem dying for the sake of my research I'd prefer to complete more of it before then. Besides, there are always plenty of other research subjects lying around."

"Research subject – you mean people. You expect me to shelter someone who experiments on humans?"

Kabuto calmed eerily. "Your medics conduct research on humans, do they not?"

Kakashi stiffened. "Orochimaru was an anomaly, not the norm."

Kabuto tsked. "I don't refer to him. I mean your research staff here at your village hospital. They conduct experiments, try new procedures on patients, and do many things that are not the proscribed procedure in the medical world."

"And? They do these things to help people, not to harm them for their own sick amusement or twisted sense of curiosity. That has nothing to do with you."

"Quite the contrary, actually. I will admit that, yes, I learned many things – helpful things – during my time with Orochimaru, but such extremes are not my preferred method of doing things. The things I learned by his side _will _one day benefit the medical world at large, but I do not expect you to see that yet. I also saw that his method is far from ideal, as once a subject is incapable of using a certain function or dies we are unable to gauge the extent of what they are truly capable of. It is much more sensible to keep them alive and living under their normal conditions, simply tweaking things here and there, much as your medics do.

"I do not expect you to let me have full reign under your guard, but I do have one technique that I think you'd not want to bar me from using."

"You're going on the assumption that I'm going to allow you to stay in my village, bring danger to it, and waste manpower with shinobi set to guard you. You have given me no real reason to think that I should take this risk."

"You mean aside from the fact that it's _your_ rogue nin that's likely after me?" Kabuto chuckled. "Well that particular technique I mentioned is what I also plan to bargain with. Care to know what it is?"

"I'm sure it's nothing good if you're the one offering it."

Kabuto hummed. "I'm not so sure. Maybe we should ask your friend."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "What friend?" he asked coldly, and any sane man would've sensed the danger, the steel beneath. Kabuto just kept on.

"The pink haired girl behind you. What was her name? Ah yes, Sakura."

Kakashi froze, immobilized.

"Oh, she doesn't seem too happy with me now that she realizes I can see her." He was now speaking over Kakashi's shoulder and the skin on his neck prickled. "Perhaps I was a bit cold in ignoring you before but I didn't want my own personal poltergeist to bother me every minute of the day about how to fix you. Besides, seems like you found another friend to spend time with, ne?"

He chuckled. "Although I guess 'poltergeist' doesn't quite sum it up."

Kakashi cut him off, confused, enraged, horrified, and dreadfully hopeful all at the same time. "Explain. _Now_."

Kabuto turned back to him. "Orochimaru was obsessed with immortality, with his soul continuing on indefinitely, as I'm sure you're well aware. Eventually he became concerned about everything that could go wrong during a body transfer, about how his soul might become stuck between bodies. Then he went so far as to wonder if his soul could be autonomous outside of his body so that if he died unexpectedly without a substitute body nearby he'd still be able to go find one."

"You're being awfully free with this information," Kakashi said leadingly.

"Why shouldn't I be?" he asked, shrugging again. "With Orochimaru dead I owe him no more loyalty and I myself have no interest in any of these transference techniques beyond what services I may be able to offer you today. I am interested in the body's capabilities, not the soul's, so I have no reason to be secretive about it. Besides, I have a feeling this is what's about to buy me my ticket to your protection."

"What makes you say that?"

"The way you reacted when I said Sakura's not dead."

Kakashi stiffened even further, taking a full minute to respond. "She's not?"

"Not at all. You see, Orochimaru succeeded with her; her soul is separated from her body, autonomous."

"But her body was completely lifeless when we found it."

"Of course it was. A body is nothing but a housing for a soul, an empty shell without one."

Kakashi had a moment to wonder horribly if their discovery of and subsequent raid on Orochimaru's lab had halted the process, had damned Sakura to this existence. What if they'd intended to return her to her body in order to seek further answers, to prove the two could become one again…to experiment on her further? Perhaps that wouldn't have been so wonderful an alternative after all.

"And you're saying Sakura's soul is here, intact, and you can reattach it to a body?"

Kabuto smiled. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

"How do I know it's really Sakura and not just some ruse you're pulling?"

Sighing as if put upon, he responded, "Fine, I'll act translator for a little while. Is there anything you want to say to the hokage to convince him of who you are?"

They waited in terse silence a few moments before Kakashi finally spoke. "Well?"

"She seems to be so irritated with me she's refusing to talk. I don't think she understands," his voice rose as he spoke directly to her now, "that it's not just _my_ safety we're talking about here. This is your one and only chance to get a body back, I hope you know. I'm the only one who knows this jutsu and if I go the secret goes with me. Then you can just remain alone there forever." After a moment he laughed.

"What?" Kakashi asked.

"Oh, she said that she'll just hound me until I die, but I don't think she realizes how small a threat that is to me. I'm half-crazed already, between being obsessed with my work and living with Orochimaru for more than a decade, and having an ethereal companion actually sounds somewhat entertaining."

Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. That sounded just like Sakura to get so caught up in being stubborn and angry she didn't realize the moment she'd been waiting for was right on top of her. "Can she hear me?"

"Yes."

"Fine. You tell me what 'she' says. Was that you talking with me during lunch yesterday?"

Kabuto's gaze turned sharply interested. "You can talk to her? And only sometimes? How is this possible?"

"No business of yours, and no, you're never going to find out. Now tell me what she said."

He sighed but did his duty duly. "She said 'Of course, you big, stubborn moron'." Kakashi bristled and Kabuto put up his hands defensively. "Hey, her words, not mine."

"All right, I get it." Kakashi inhaled deeply. "Then what did we talk about during that lunch?"

Kabuto quirked an eyebrow. "You want a whole recounting? She says that might take a while."

"The high points will suffice," he replied dryly.

Kabuto fell silent, leaning forward slightly and cocking his head in what Kakashi assumed was Sakura's direction. After a moment he opened his mouth, as if to respond, but shut it again with a small shake of his head, a bemused smile on his lips. Finally, after a few more minutes, he spoke.

"She says there are some things she can't speak of in mixed company," he indicated himself, "but that yesterday was mostly a talk of ordinary things. She mentioned that Naruto had pulled a prank on his old academy teacher…what was his name?" He snapped his fingers and nodded. "Ah yes, thanks, Iruka, for the man's birthday. You spoke of how this was a good sign. Naruto is ill I take it?"

Kakashi didn't confirm or deny, just continued to stare at him, and Kabuto got the message and continued. "All right, all right, sorry I asked. Sakura spoke of how she wanted to be out in the sun, to be under it and have it seep into her skin even if she couldn't feel it."

They'd had a small argument about that one. Sakura had tried to convince him to summon her once he was in a small secluded clearing somewhere so she could see somewhere besides his office but he'd deemed it was too risky. There were almost always some guards tailing him and he didn't want anyone to catch sight of her. When she'd suggested he cover her in a genjutsu, since she couldn't rely on her own chakra precision to perform a henge, he knew how desperately she must truly crave the outdoors. However he'd pointed out how antsy genjutsu tended to make ANBU, especially when it was covering the hokage, and she'd relented, if somewhat sullenly.

"Aside from that she says it was mostly business trivialities, how this client is too demanding and that one too stingy, but things she can't discuss in specifics given the current circumstances."

Thinking rapidly, Kakashi nodded. "And the day before?"

After Kabuto had related the gist of their conversations for the last week Kakashi was convinced. Elated and horrified, but convinced. He had one last question before finalizing things though. "I thought you said Orochimaru succeeded with her. If that's the case then why is she not able to inhabit other objects?" he asked, thinking of her attempts with Kankurou's puppets. "Didn't you say he wanted to be able to possess someone else if he were to die suddenly?"

Kabuto mused on that a moment. "Could be many things. For one, the human soul is a living thing so it would have trouble melding with something not alive, so an _object _would hold the least success. I don't know that she'd have any more success with a body, but it's hard to say as so this is the first successful splitting I know of. As far as we've gotten in our research, though, some type of outside catalyst is needed to bind the two back together. Chakra and other elements naturally do it at birth but since chakra cannot be split it goes with the soul, leaving no ties left with the body. There may have been another way to do it, but since this is where this ends we'll never know."

He nodded brusquely, then walked to the door of the cell. As he rapped on the door a guard popped his head in. "Go get Shizune," he ordered the man. "While you're at it, get Tsunade as well. Have them meet me here as soon as they're able."

That done, he shut the door behind him and turned back to Kabuto. "What will you need?"

"Does this mean you're accepting my offer?"

Trading Sakura's life for the presence of a semi-psychotic war criminal? Kakashi didn't even hesitate. "Yes, but under certain conditions of course. First you have to prove you can follow through."

"Brilliant. In that case all I'll need is a clean, quiet working environment and a body. It's too bad she's been dead so long. The soul always cleaves best to its original host, as the body seems to somehow have a memory, but after almost two years her body is far too decomposed to be of any use, and that being if you didn't cremate her. You'll just have to find me another and we can hope for the best and try as many times as it takes."

"There's a better chance of success with the original body?" Kakashi asked slowly.

"Much better. With a new body, even if the possession does take, we hadn't gotten it figured out to the point where the soul and body would bond fully and properly. There would always be the chance that a serious non-fatal injury or even just shock could sever the connection."

"If that happened would she be dead or would her soul just wander again?"

"Hard to say for certain. With the original body the bond could be made secure again so her death would be a true death, but with another body it could go either way, depending on how far the original technique impacted her soul. Then again, there's the chance that if the bond goes badly on the first body we try it with we run the same risks, so I suggest you find the best body you're able to." Kabuto spoke as if the outcome didn't really bother him either way, and while Kakashi knew the other man didn't care about Sakura as anything other than a means to an end, it enraged him. He had to force himself to think calmly about all the possible options they had.

"What condition does the body have to be in?"

"Aside from having all its essential parts?" he shrugged.

"If it's in…pieces…could you put it back together or does that present a problem?"

Kabuto's eyebrows scrunched as he thought. "Obviously a complete specimen would be preferable and the less side problems I have to deal with the better. Why do you ask?"

Kakashi ignored his question. "What about chemicals in the body, or if it's been dried out and there's no blood left? Can you compensate for those issues?"

"I suppose I could, given the time and that the damage isn't too significant, but again it wouldn't be-"

"We have Sakura's body in a stasis jutsu."

Kabuto was stunned into silence. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place?! That'll make things so much simpler. Except why would she be in pieces or…" He didn't have to finish; he was a medic and he could put the puzzle together. "You've used her body for teaching, have you?"

Nodding crisply once, Kakashi confirmed it. "Tsunade had said she thought it's what Sakura would've wanted."

Kabuto's head cocked again. "I'm not sure what she would've said before but she's certainly happy with that outcome now. How extensive is the damage?"

"Very."

"Well, I guess we'll just see when we get there. So," he rubbed his hands together in anticipation, "when do we get started?"

There was a knock at the door and the guard he'd spoken with stuck his head in, signaling that everything was set before going back to his post. Kakashi gestured Kabuto in front of him. "Right now."

* * *

Kabuto had firmly refused to allow Kakashi to view the procedure on grounds that he didn't want the sharingan to copy the technique. He might have taken issue with that if he hadn't trusted the abilities of Tsunade and Shizune so much, but as it was he didn't see a problem. Even though his borrowed eye could copy a jutsu it couldn't necessarily decipher what was happening in the meantime him – that was where their medical expertise came in. They would know what he was doing each step and where it would lead, so they were much better choices to watch over the man as he attempted to revive their Sakura and make sure he didn't try anything underhanded.

Besides, Kakashi wasn't sure he could stand the waiting, or hearing the crunch as they popped Sakura's ribs back into place and repaired her sternum, or watch as they managed to clear her veins so they could reintroduce blood back into her system. No, he was much better in his office, pretending to do work that he couldn't focus on at all.

He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid. It had really been Sakura the whole time! He'd treated her like a fake, which was understandable, but then he'd decided to really screw things up. The more time he'd spent with her the more he'd started to treat her as a different person, not someone who'd been his subordinate for as long as he'd known her.

He'd actually been _flirting_ with her, which was messed up enough considering he'd thought her a dummy, an imposter, something wholly unsubstantial, but now to find out it really was her? He was a sick, sick man and Sakura would be perfectly justified in marching up to him as soon as she was able and punching him straight through his office wall. She'd probably been disgusted by him but felt she had to keep up the act lest he figure she wasn't worth keeping around and decided to dispel that jutsu for good. Well, or at least follow through on that threat.

Oh, this was just a fucking mess.

Especially because he'd already found out he was good and truly caught when he'd tried to cut ties to their relationship. He knew it would take her time to forgive him, if for nothing else than just making her wait for so long and toying with her fate so viciously, but she would eventually. She held grudges and could outstubborn the best of them, but she had a deviously soft heart underneath all that brashness, otherwise she'd never have survived being friends with both Naruto and Sai.

So treacherously he hoped that eventually he'd be forgiven enough that she'd be comfortable with the occasional lunch, reforming and building on the more professional friendship they'd had before her, well not death, but separation of sorts all the same.

First things first though, he had to figure out how they were going to reintroduce her to Konoha. He rifled through his cabinets, shuffling aside stacks of paper that were in the way, until he finally came across her death certificate. Of course, normally such items weren't kept in the hokage's personal office, but he'd had his reasons for holding onto this one – among a select few others – and no one had had either the reason or the courage to question his doing so.

It happened on occasion that a nin was reported dead in the field but was discovered later, so luckily they had a way of dealing with incorrect death certificates, and those papers _were_ normally kept there, so he didn't have to go looking far. Clearing a spot on his desk for both papers, making sure to mark the places where the witnesses would have to sign and affirm that the certificate was void, he began pacing as he thought over the many other matters.

Her apartment had been rented to someone else, all her things either sold or donated, and all her friends…well they'd start with Naruto first. Frankly, if they just convinced him the rest of the village would know in no time at all, so it all came down to what Sakura wanted to do.

If the procedure worked. If it was actually her that woke up in that body.

Despite his earlier assurances that it truly was her spirit Kabuto had been talking to, there was nothing to guarantee that Kabuto couldn't pull some kind of switch in the midst of a painstakingly complicated and time-consuming ritual. Shizune, and Tsunade especially, would be able to spot most anything out of the ordinary, but in a technique based on the out of the ordinary, they'd still have to determine her identity after everything was complete.

Still he couldn't wait.

Looking down he saw his hands were shaking slightly and quickly busied them with organizing more of his paperwork and pulling a few more files that Sakura might need in order to go about repossessing some of the things she might want to claim from her old life. He'd never looked into whether she'd had savings stashed anywhere, and if so what had been done with them, so it would be good to be prepared for as much as they could.

He glanced nervously at the clock. Barely a half-hour had gone by since he'd left the autopsy room with the four of them inside and he knew he had a much longer wait.

Now he just needed to figure out something to do before he went crazy.

* * *

Sakura watched anxiously as Kabuto, with occasional assistance from Shizune or her old shishou, worked continuously over her body. It was a very odd sensation to be outside of herself, looking down at what was supposed to be her.

She'd only had the courage to come look at her body once before, when she'd given up on anyone in Konoha being able to hear her and had come to accept she might in fact truly be dead and stuck. Oddly, part of her had been detached and clinical about the whole thing, but mostly it had disturbed her more than she liked to admit to see herself so pulled apart. Her chest was splayed open, cut from neck to abdomen, and most of the tissue had been severed in order to more clearly see the heart. A couple of her organs had been removed completely and were in separate dishes, dissected so as to show new medics what they were made of. One of her thighs had also been cut open, almost in cross-section, in order to show skin, fat, and muscle.

And that had been early on. Now there was plenty more that had happened to her body and she was amazed that the three of them thought there was any hope of piecing it all back together.

They spent _hours_ just on repairing and patching what they could before closing her up. Finally, Kabuto looked up at her and spoke, prompting Shizune and Tsunade to stare into space in approximately the same direction. "The trickiest part here is your heart. They'd cut in to show one of the ventricles so I had to patch it. Of course none of these repairs, to the heart or any of the muscles or anything else, can begin in earnest until there's bloodflow, the blood won't pump without a heart, and a heart can't beat without life. So we'll have to put you in now and then begin rapid-fire healing on the most important spots before moving on. You'll want to continue getting healing the next month at least, in addition to doing near-constant work on your heart yourself, but I think all of this should hold. I'm going to start the bonding now but you need to be warned that you'll be in a considerable amount of pain when you wake up."

Looking down at her body dubiously Sakura didn't doubt it. Still, she was a shinobi, anything but a coward, and desperate to be alive again. Besides, after over a year of no sensation she thought that any feeling, even pain, didn't sound so bad.

She'd spoken too soon. As soon as she opened her eyes, inside her own body again, her first thoughts weren't of victory or the future, but of fire and stabbing and _oh-please-make-it-stop_. A scream ripped from her throat, tearing at her disused vocal chords, but she couldn't stop. After so much sense deprivation everything was heightened to an extreme degree and she couldn't think of anything beyond the pain. Tsunade had to summon her own chakra in order to hold her down she began to writhe so viciously, she threatened to undo so much of the hard work they'd put into rebuilding her.

Kabuto didn't blink, just kept his hands pressed firmly against her chest, pumping chakra into her heart at a furious rate, but when she bucked up and pulled the sutures on the stitches across her abdomen, causing some bleeding, he'd had enough. "One of you, immobilize her," he commanded, not able to open his eyes or say anything else as he ground his teeth together, all his focus and energy going to repair her heart before she bled out internally through it.

Tsunade's hands were still full so Shizune did a quick semi-stasis jutsu on Sakura that would put her into a barely conscious state, then added a paralysis technique when she was still thrashing about some even in that condition. Then noticing the blood dripping, and grateful that at least the veins and arterial pathways were working properly, she hooked up more blood.

After a while the tremors finally subsided and Kabuto slid off her as well, moving his hands to the long cut across her abdomen that had been bleeding, focusing on trying to make the skin and muscles underneath repair themselves.

"Will she make it through?" Tsunade asked gruffly, her hands already sliding from Sakura's arms to her ribs in order to begin repair there.

"Looks like it. The bond itself was successful, which was the trickiest part, and now that her heart is fixed to the extent that it's not going to burst any second, she should be able to heal. She won't be training any time soon, but she'll just have to live with that."

Tsunade chuckled. "You hear that Shizune? She'll just have to _live_ with that."

Shizune smiled, her chakra flowing into Sakura's pancreas. "That sounds perfect to me."

* * *

After seeing Kabuto secured back in his cell, both Shizune and Tsunade escorted Sakura out of the autopsy room. They'd asked if she wanted sleep, food, to find Naruto, or any other number of assorted things, but Sakura had been clear: she wanted to see Kakashi.

She leaned heavily on both of them as they made their way up the stairs, her legs unused to walking. Luckily her muscles hadn't truly atrophied, considering she hadn't been alive for the rest of her body to suck the nutrients from her limbs, but they were still stiff, ripped, cut, and out of use. It would be a while before she was back in even civilian shape, but she didn't care. At the moment she wanted to run to the top of the hokage monument and sing and dance, shouting her presence to the world, but that would have to wait. For now she had an appointment with a very stubborn hokage.

When Shizune asked if she wanted help inside the office Sakura politely but firmly declined, letting the two know she'd like to see them for lunch the next day if she wasn't still sleeping. Leaving her at the door was difficult, not just because she was so weak she needed support, but because they'd both just had a close friend come back to life and they didn't want to let her go just yet, but at Shizune's insistent tugging on her sleeve Tsunade finally reluctantly let herself be led away.

Neither she nor Sakura could see the smirk gracing the brunette's face.

* * *

It had been over twenty hours. While he knew that was to be expected for this type of extreme procedure, Kakashi was still close to his limit. He stared out the window at the dark night sky, at the hokage monument where he and Team Kakashi had once shared a picnic, where Naruto still swore his visage would be one day, and wondered if that day would now come more quickly with the blonde's best friend back to life.

He was going stir-crazy, but at the knock on his door he found he was suddenly dreading what was coming and wished he had a little longer still. Without waiting for a reply Sakura strode in, as he'd known she would, wearing the big baggy shirt and pants of a jounin. They always had extra on hand, considering some shinobi had clothes too damaged to be considered decent once released from the hospital, and he assumed Shizune must've grabbed them for her. She was the one who'd started stashing them around in the first place.

Pity he had to ruin them.

With a flick of his wrist he sent a kunai sailing across the room, catching Sakura's shirt at the shoulder and pinning her to the door.

"Kakashi, what's this about?" she cried, indignation flaring. She let her feet sink back flat against the floor and winced slightly as she heard another tear. Taking a peek she was glad to see it had only ripped a small hole. She reached for the kunai to remove it but he forestalled her.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. I have more and I want you where I can see you for now."

Sakura just rolled her eyes. She'd have put up more of a fight but frankly at the moment she was just too exhausted. Besides, on some level she'd known he wouldn't accept things so easily and he'd have to be convinced of her legitimacy again. "Do you really think Shizune or Tsunade would've let me anywhere around here if they hadn't already verified who I am?"

Kakashi conceded the point. "Since they were in the room though their judgment could've been compromised if Kabuto pulled something with an unknown technique, so I'll just have to be an outside observer for now."

"Okay, fine, let's just get on with it so I can sit down."

He asked her question after question, much more detailed, in-depth, and personal than the questioning he'd performed with Kabuto present, but that was to be expected as well. This was, after all, the final test. Finally though he was satisfied, pronouncing it in such an anti-climactic way, such a typical Kakashi thing to do, it nearly made her laugh.

"I suppose I'll have to find Tsunade and Shizune later to have them void this death certificate then."

Sakura beamed. "I take it this means I can take this out now then?" she asked, already pulling the kunai free. She spun it on her finger, reacquainting herself with the feel of it, running the point lightly across the pad of her thumb, then threw it at the wall. It wobbled a bit on the way but its aim was true.

Kakashi didn't make any other move to stop her as she marched across the room – as much as she could in a slowed, trembling body – and stopped right in front of him. "Sit down," she commanded, and he did so without a word. If she was coming to seek retribution for all he'd put her through these last months then he wasn't going to fight her on it.

She put one knee on the chair outside of his, her balance failing her and her hands caught the armrests. He reached out to steady her but she snapped, "No! No, I can do this," and his hands retreated. Finally with a large push she got her other knee up, her face hovering dangerously over his.

He didn't like where this was going; she was far too close for comfort. Perhaps this was her vengeance – slow torture?

Panting lightly, she sank back on her knees, grinning devilishly at him. "Not too bad, eh?"

One eyebrow rose. "Wouldn't it just have been easier to sit across my legs in the first place?"

She shook her head. "Then I would've had to twist to look at you, and twisting is no good for my torso right now." She reached for his face then and slowly pulled down his mask. "What, no complaints?"

He shrugged. He'd already unintentionally showed her, of his own volition, so there was little point in making a fuss at the moment.

She leaned back, studying him, then pulled down the collar on her shirt to show a vicious scar starting at her neck and going straight down. He remembered that one, vividly, and didn't like the reminder of seeing her body cut wide open. Something of his displeasure must've shown, perhaps he'd even winced, because she let the collar go.

"It bothers you?"

"Of course it does. Who wouldn't-" At her crestfallen look he realized his mistake. "Oh, you mean the scar itself. Not in the least. It's simply evidence of all you've been through and conquered, right?"

She beamed and he knew he'd answered correctly. His hands clenched nervously, wondering when the punishment would start, and he realized they'd somehow found their way onto her knees. He tried to pull them away without her noticing what he'd been doing, but she grasped his face.

"Leave 'em," she whispered, just before she pulled his face to hers and kissed him.

The world went blank and nothing made sense anymore but he didn't care because her lips were decidedly the best thing he'd ever felt. Part of him was still wary, but he knew even Sakura wouldn't go this far just for revenge, and as that revelation washed over him and he realized the only reason she _would _kiss him was because she _wanted _to, all his inhibitions fell to the wayside.

His hands flexed convulsively against her knees before they moved up, seeking skin that wasn't marred by cuts and stitches and staples, that he wouldn't risk damaging by holding onto. He finally found it just above her hip, but one hand wouldn't stop and he found himself raising it to her head, catching in her hair to pull her closer to him.

She pulled back on a laugh. "I didn't know if you'd still be interested now that you knew it was actually me."

He didn't say anything, just placed his mouth over hers again, despite her giggling, and that was all the answer she needed. Her hands ran all over him, hardly stopping, as if making up for so much lost time, and she learned the contours of his face by touch, ran her fingers through his hair, and held onto his back as she learned the taste of him.

Kakashi felt her trembling against him, and while at first his ego soared at her reaction, he quickly realized sheepishly that it was the wear on her body. His hands traced over her again and found the source primarily in her legs, folded up the way they were.

"Hold on," he whispered against her mouth, picking her up and sitting her on his desk, shoving over a couple piles of papers to make room, uncaring when they crashed to the floor. "Better?"

He felt more than saw her smile. "Yes."

Her heart warmed when she felt him lean back slightly so that she could rest against his chest, barely having to hold herself upright, and she took immediate advantage by pressing herself closer to him, focusing on memorizing the texture of his lips.

She wished she could've gone on for hours, days even, but her body was already taxed beyond its limits and she could feel it starting to shut down. She pulled her hands from around his neck, her shoulders quaking with the effort, and tucked her fingers into the arm-holes of his vest so that she could still feel something of him. With a muffled groan of disappointment she pulled back from their kiss, her forehead resting against his shoulder.

He chuckled low, the vibrations resonating through her. "Looks like you could use some rest. I take it your reunion with the rest of the village is on hold until tomorrow?"

At his words she yawned hugely, regretting her first day back was cut so short. "I guess so," she said, snuggling further into him. "Sleep sounds good. I don't know about the whole village tomorrow though. I'll probably only have the energy to deal with Naruto and maybe Ino."

"You let either one of those know and it'll be as good as telling the whole village."

She gave a short laugh. "Sounds about right. I guess I'll let them take care of that then and you can make sure I'm not stampeded by the entire village coming to visit me. I am rather popular, you know."

He sighed in mock exasperation before his expression turned soft as he looked down at the top of her head. "We need to find you a bed then. Your apartment isn't really your apartment anymore. You want me to get you one of the private hospital rooms?"

"Mm, no," she said, sounding half asleep already. "I like it right here."

He was quiet a moment, considering. "You want to come home with me?"

She nodded drowsily and he doubted she even understood what he was saying, but she burrowed closer against him and he took that as assent. Without a second thought he transported them in a puff of smoke, luxuriating in these few quiet, precious hours he had her to himself before the whole world came knocking to see the girl back from the dead.

Honestly he was grateful she'd come with him. He constantly had to reassure himself this was real, that it wasn't a dream, that he hadn't really cracked up and imagined it all. He held her against him all through the night, reaffirming her life with her heartbeat against his chest, his hand against her back confirming the sensation.

And when tomorrow he refused to let go of her hand he could explain it away with a flick of his thumb across her pulse. They could deal with those questions later, as she chose.

Come tomorrow, they could face it all together.

* * *

END

* * *

And thanks be to Anteros, who twists the hands of fate so subtly and skillfully that two people on different paths are thrown together to find happiness beyond their original destinations, and without whom most of these stories would have no hope.

(Anteros being the god of requited love)

* * *

And, as promised, the (short) rendition of Pygmalion and Galatea's are many different versions, as is typical, so here's one of them:

Pygmalion was a sculptor (or sometimes a king who sculpted), who created a statue so lovely he fell in love with it. He wasted away for his longing, a servant girl having to come bring him food, and the goddess Aphrodite was so moved by his love that she brought the statue to life. The two married and lived happily ever after. (One of the few Greek myths with a happy ending - huzzah!)


End file.
